1. Oprah shaves off Dr. Phil’s mustache
Perk of being one of TIME’s 100 most influential people? Or the reason she is one?
2. Lindsay Lohan confirmed to play porn star Linda Lovelace in indie film Inferno
Sometimes a girl’s just gotta shake up the ol’ image, you know?
3. NBC announces Jimmy Fallon will host Emmys
”You haven’t told him yet, have you?” sighed Jay Leno to NBC.
4. Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ Hollywood Walk of Fame star missing hyphen, misspelled Louis as Luis
Not that…actually there’s so much wrong with that.
5. Betty White-hosted Saturday Night Live scores impressive ratings, critical raves
She really should stay up past her bedtime more often.
6. Men in Black III to be released in 3-D in 2012
”We’re using the next two years to fine-tune the technology,” said the film’s producers. ”As we speak, top engineers in the business are brainstorming ways to get the 3-D glasses to fit over the sunglasses.”
7. Bruce Willis accused of ruining $27,700 rug with spilled wine
It was a mixed blessing. Out of his anger over the allegation, he found the inspiration to launch a new franchise about a stain-resistant action hero: Dye Hard.
8. Twilight-influenced or not, the most popular names for American babies in 2009 were Jacob (for boys) and Isabella (for girls)
The least popular name across both genders? Paul Blart.
9. Kristen Wiig to pen and star in film adaptation of novel Clown Girl, about a clown struggling to make ends meet
Times get so tough, she can only afford shoes that are three sizes too big — and that’s after she gets a loan from Shakes.
10. Elvis’ doctor says the King died from blocked bowels, not cardiac arrest brought on by drug dependency
This shocking revelation comes on the heels of the discovery of Elvis’ final demo, ”A Little Less Constipation.”