By John Young
May 13, 2010 at 12:11 PM EDT

Tween girls of the Idoldome, could you please explain your rationale behind shrieking? I understand that you’re quite excited about seeing Lee DeWyze in the flesh, and that by shrieking, you increase the odds of Lee spotting you, falling desperately in love, and marrying you that night by about 0.000003 percent. (Well, technically zero percent since you’re underage, but for you, Lee could wait forever). But, still, y’all could have given me and my ears a heads up beforehand. Anyhow, judging by the aural measurements I conducted at last night’s results show, I’m starting to wonder if the tide has turned in favor of Lee. I’ve been of the opinion that Crystal’s had this thing in the bag since “Me and Bobby McGee,” but now I’m not so sure. The in-studio enthusiasm for Lee has increased each time I’ve stepped into the Idoldome, and last night, it was approaching Burj Khalifa levels. Does the Idoldome audience accurately reflect the show’s voters? Who knows, but I think it could be pretty similar. If anything, those calling in to vote may actually be younger, and I’m not sure that works in Crystal’s favor. But enough speculation… we have a results show to discuss!

The evening began, as usual, with Cory the Warm-Up Comic pumping the crowd up with some music and dancing. What’s amazing about Cory is that his energy level is the exact same every time. He’s never more or less enthusiastic than the night before. Still, Cory has to deal with the variables that are the audience members he calls up onstage, and last night, he picked a juicy one. While performing Beyoncé moves at Cory’s request, this woman from the audience managed to grab his necktie… with her mouth. She proceeded to keep dancing while yanking Cory’s tie around with her teeth. “This is a family show!” Cory jokingly exclaimed. “I should have called security!”

Cory then introduced the Top 4 Idols to the stage, and Lee, perhaps sensing the female adoration for him, walked to the center of the stage and signaled with his hands that the audience should increase its decibel level even more. This reminded me of those random guys at baseball games who stand up and then try to get everyone around them to stand up too, as if we’re required to follow the instructions of anyone wearing a Manny Ramirez jersey. But the Idol audience gladly turned it up to 11 at Lee’s request.

With 20 seconds left to airtime, Simon finally emerged from his crypt and took a seat. (Kara, Ellen, and Randy had already been in their places for a few minutes). While Seacrest was doing his intro spiel, Crystal pointed to Lee’s untied shoelaces, and Lee retied them. Had the cameras caught this moment, it would have surely made its way into the renowned Lee DeWyze GIF Thread. I particularly like this one.

Fantasia sang “Bittersweet,” and throughout the performance, Crystal and Lee whispered in each other’s ear. At one point, Big Mike joined the conversation, while Casey simply sat on the outside and paid attention to the former Idol winner. As Seacrest interviewed Fantasia, some kids in the audience snickered at her high-pitched voice. During the break, Simon was the first to walk onstage and hug the singer, and Randy, Ellen, and Kara followed suit. The judges hung out with Fantasia for a good minute or two, and a photographer captured the moment for future generations to cherish.

Back from the break, we watched the Ford music video and then a montage of former Top 3 Idols returning home for a celebration parade. Adam Lambert received the loudest squeals each time he appeared on screen. And then, America, your results. While recapping Crystal and Lee’s “Falling Slowly” performance, Seacrest said that Kara had called it her favorite moment of the season. Kara immediately turned to Simon and seemingly remarked, “I said it was one of my favorite moments.” Then Seacrest declared that Casey had made it into the Top 3. (Hey Idol producers, way to eliminate all the suspense for the rest of the show). During the break, Casey threw his guitar pick into the pit. Never will that pick touch a guitar again.

While setting up, Chris Daughtry walked over to the Top 4 Idols and shook their hands. Daughtry sang “September,” and Seacrest surprisingly stayed on the couch with the Top 4 throughout the song. (Seacrest almost always retreats backstage during performances). The Idol host bobbed his head while Big Mike tapped his right foot and Crystal nodded to the rhythm. Daughtry received a standing ovation, and the singer advised the Top 4 to “stay hungry.” Seacrest joked, “You hear that, Mike?” And Mike halfheartedly flashed a thumbs-up in response. Mike appeared a bit dejected. I wonder if he already had concluded that he was a goner.

Like they did with Fantasia, all four judges greeted Daughtry on stage during the break. Cory had Crystal sign a poster to give away to the audience, and when Crystal discovered that a young woman in the pit had the contestant’s name tattooed on her arm, Crystal graciously gave the fan one of her earrings. Back from the break, Lee joined Casey in the Top 3, which sparked an immediate hug between Big Mike and Crystal. During the next break, Lee hugged Casey as he took his seat on the blue couch. Cory showed off a poster that featured a picture of a baby chicken and the words, “This chick is voting for Lee.” A girl who was maybe 7 years old won the poster. Soon thereafter, all of the 14-year-old girls around her started planning Phase 1 of a future heist code-named “Steal the Chick Lee Poster.”

Bon Jovi sang “Superman Tonight” and confirmed this baby’s taste in music. All of the Idol stagehands, who normally stay hidden backstage, appeared in the hallways to watch this awesome mini-rock concert. Mike and Crystal clapped along while Lee and Casey remained fairly still until the song’s guitar solo, after which both of them stood up and joined in on the clapping. During the break, the judges and Idols said hello to Mr. Jon Bon Jovi, who chatted the longest with Lee (and by longest, I mean seven seconds).

Lee’s mother grabbed her son’s hand as Seacrest prepared to read the final results — who do you think the DeWyzes were secretly rooting for? Crystal made the Top 3, which meant Big Mike fell one week short of achieving his Idol goal. Crystal’s boyfriend, Tony, reached over to Mike’s family to offer his condolences. During Mike’s farewell clip, the Top 3 (including a tearful Crystal) joined him onstage. Then, while Kara was encouraging Mike to continue singing and recording music, Debbie the Stage Manager quickly brought out his baby daughter Laila Rose and gave her to his wife, Christa. I cannot begin to imagine how baby Laila interpreted the Idoldome — “All these people are here to see me?”

Everyone stood up as Mike sang his curtain call song, “Will You Be There.” Once finished, Mike hugged the judges, picked up Crystal, and finally embraced his baby daughter to the sound of “awwws” from the audience. Baby Laila, upon realizing that her time in the Idol spotlight was quickly coming to an end, began crying. Where are Cory and his bag of gifts when you need them?

PopWatchers, give me your thoughts and feelings on Big Mike’s elimination. Did he deserve to go home this week, or was he lucky to have made it this far? How do you think this year’s finalists compare to the likes of Fantasia and Daughtry? And, finally, Crystal or Lee? Go!