Image Credit: Giovanni Rufino/The CWHope is on the horizon, Gossip gang! We learned one half of our least favorite pair is headed for Haiti, Chuck and Blair were possibly on the mend, and little Jenny Humphrey got a taste of her own bitter medicine (not literally, because her stuff gives you yeast infections apparently). Allow me to explain by dipping into my (faux) mailbox. Spoilers for last night’s Gossip Girl, right ahead!

Would Dan and Vanessa’s relationship be more interesting to watch if all they were allowed to talk about was politics, Jersey Shore and what they want to eat? — Stop the Horror

Easy; yes. On a serious note, if Dan barred me from talking about my triumphs because he’s insecure, he’d spend many a nights back in the House of Waffles in Manhattan with his family. But part of me thinks the conversation rules Dan imposed on Haiti-bound Vanessa were just his subtle way of finally giving everyone what they’ve been wanting, which is less talking between Dan and Vanessa. Let’s hope “the most trusted name in news” takes her far, far away, never to return. On a related note, I hope the dirty letters exchanged by these two are never read by another soul, lest their eyes be burned out of their skulls.

My sister’s ability to read my father’s bad intentions is lacking, unlike the supply of plunging necklines in her closet. How can I help her? — Wise Gay Teen

Don’t get sucked into the ruse yourself, even if your dad sends decent-looking socially available males to your doorstep. It’s difficult to resist, I know. But keep your head on straight. You are the Wise Gay Teen, after all.

What happened with Chuck and Blair? — Chair Fan #1 XOXO

First, calm down. Good? Okay. Now, get excited again because last night was sooo good. In fact, their storylines were the best part of an otherwise snore-worthy episode. Blair helped Chuck come to terms with his fears about Lily’s cancer diagnosis (he didn’t want to lose another person in his life), which led to a tear-inducing moment between Chuck and step-mom at the gala honoring Serena’s dad. “I’m not going to lose you. I’m here for you every step of the way,” he said. And then I died. Meanwhile, Blair was accepted into Columbia after not applying. Chuck did it for her months ago, telling Nate that she was too proud to admit NYU wasn’t good enough. During most of the episode she pretended to be a Columbia student to impress a duo of headband-clad soon-to-be underlings. They later learned she was lying about being a student and told Gossip Girl, embarrassing Blair. But after Blair learned her student status was a reality, the B stung. “You wanted to see a Blair Waldorf take down. Well, cross me again and you’ll experience one first-hand.”

My step-daughter keeps bringing her dad over to my house, and I hate the smarmy bastard. I already stopped him from moving in to our apartment building, but how can I stop this madness for good? — The Waffle Master

Well, Rufus, you could start by growing a pair. Blocking his move-in was a good first step, but instead of whining about the situation to your wife (who is too dense to notice her ex-hubby is hot for her), you should do some research. Talk to the dapper gentleman snorting cocaine or your daughter for more info. They both know how to sleuth and have learned something interesting about your wife’s medications. Learn how to do a little investigating on your own, or become accustomed to losing all the time. Also, your daughter was once a drug dealer. Oh, wait, you just learned that (not to mention TMI about one of the people she sold to). Good luck with that. And while you’re lecturing her, can you tell her to buy a comb?

I think Sandra is avoiding talking directly about the Serena/Daddy plot because she might break out into a litany of obscenities in frustration. — I Know All

Well… you are somewhat correct. Serena has never been the freshest falafel of the bunch, but she really deserves any double-crossing coming her way for being such a tool since her dad arrived. She’s being awfully ungrateful and cold to the guy who has helped bring her family together. Ugh, I can’t believe I’m kind of defending Rufus of all people. Gross. Although, that is not as revolting as Serena clinging to her dad at the at the gala like a trophy wife instead of a daughter (creepy…).

So, those are the basics, PopWatchers. Now answer my questions: Were you as bored as I was by the back and forth between Dan and Vanessa during this ultra-predictable blunder of a plot? Who did Serena think she was kidding by lying to her dad about her rebellious past (We know he already knew about the horse incident)? And wouldn’t that speech given by Daddy van der Woodsen at the gala cause all sorts of awkward turtle in real life? And most importantly, what did you think of the episode?

Episode Recaps

Gossip Girl

Spotted: Serena, Dan, Blair, Chuck, Vanessa, and Nate — hooking up, breaking up, and freaking out. You know you love it! XOXO!

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