By Keith Staskiewicz
Updated April 20, 2010 at 10:03 PM EDT

As EW reported earlier today, Universal’s Stretch Armstrong project has gotten itself a (re)-writer and a director. The team of Nick Stoller and Rob Letterman, who worked together on the upcoming Gulliver’s Travels, will be taking on the screenplay written by Steve Oedekerk. And as we all know by now, the iconic Hasbro toy (introduced in 1976) will be played by none other than Taylor Lautner (introduced in 1992). Lautner, a.k.a. the face that launched a thousand restraining orders, picked this project as one of his first post-Twilight ventures.

Strangely enough, I do have something vested in this project. Stretch Armstrong played an important role in my life, which is why I’m probably one of the only people in the world who reacted to news of a movie based on him with something other than “Um, okay?” You see, Stretch was the toy that officially killed my sense of wonder as a child. After a whole lot of cajoling, begging, and adorable death threats, my parents finally caved in and bought the 7-year-old me the elastic action figure. Literally hours later, desperate to satisfy my curiosity as to what magical components made Stretch so stretchy, I took a pair of scissors to the intrepid hero. A viscous goo seeped out while Stretch, mortally wounded, stared at me accusingly, and I felt something snap inside me as the last of my childhood innocence broke irrevocably.

Alright, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but I was a dramatic child. I once held a funeral for a twisted Slinky. Anyone else out there have any opinions on making a ’70s novelty toy into a full-blown movie? Any suggestions for other ones? Like maybe a sci-fi flick with a HAL-like Lite Brite, or an inspirational sports movie starring a Weeble as an underdog boxer who just won’t fall down?