By Ken Tucker
Updated April 19, 2010 at 12:00 PM EDT

Kate Gosselin said that her eight kids were visiting her this week in L.A., and her performance on Monday’s Dancing With the Stars reminded me of one of her tykes — Mady or Cara, say — playing dress-up and trying to mimic being a grown-up. On this movie-themed night, Kate’s dance with Tony Dovolani to the Breakfast Club song “Don’t You Forget About Me” was a combination of galumphing and temper-tantrum stiffness.

During the rehearsal segment, Tony tried to get Kate to do The Swim and got met with that grim stare we know so well from Jon & Kate Plus Eight. “Do they do that in the movie?” she asked blankly. She turned her deadly gaze to the camera and shrugged, “Whatever works for him.”

Gee, that’s the winning spirit, Kate! That’s a fine example to set for your children, the ones of whom you later said, in your weekly plea for votes, “They count down the days til Monday… They live and breathe for it.”

Bruno said Kate looked “catatonic.” Kate blamed her lack of energy on her “visit from eight little friends.”

At this point, you have to just throw up your hands and admit you can’t win against Kate: On the one hand, the kids are what keep her going, and the reason you should vote for her. On the other foot, they’re why she’s exhausted and mopey even in the middle of performing.

There’s no way Katatonic Kate is going to be voted on through another week of this show, is there?

UPDATE: On last night’s Lopez Tonight, Steve-O from Jackass and former DWTS contestant himself, joined Lopez’s “Keep Kate” campaign. Steve-O insisted that a vote for Gosselin was a vote for “robotic dancing” and would drive out “people with talent”… so of course this was a cause he supported.

ADDED UPDATE: On the Tuesday-morning edition of The View, Whoopi Goldberg said of Kate, “She’s an angry bitch, this one… She sucks, she’s got to go.” Elisabeth Hasselbeck defended Kate, in a roundabout way, by saying the fact that Gosselin is still on DWTS is proof that people are voting for Kate, and Hasselbeck — no surprise here — worked in a political dig during her defense: “It’s a democracy, unless ACORN is involved.” ACORN? Really? Gimme a break…

Be sure to read Annie Barrett’s usual complete, masterly Dancing With the Stars recap now:

For more: ‘Dancing With the Stars’ recap: Movie Night

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