By Tim Stack
Updated April 13, 2010 at 11:00 AM EDT
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Image Credit: Giovanni Rufino/The CWLadies and gentlemen, with last night’s episode, we’ve officially hit Def Con 5 on Dorota Saturation Alert. I’ve always been a huge fan of the Polish maid — I mean, I’ve found her so charming right from the very start. But that was when she had, like, one great line and would skamper away, never to be heard from until next week… or even the week after. She was a nice, little apron-wearing surprise. That time is over. Dorota has basically become one of the female leads on the show (she might as well be carrying around a Louis Vuitton dustpan and LG phone), and it just doesn’t work. Last night’s Dorota/Vanya wedding fandango only proves that point, sadly.

So, Dorota and Vanya got married in an elaborate ceremony planned by Chuck, which he hoped would bring him back into Blair’s good graces. The problem with Dorota and Vanya is that they seem to exist on such a cartoonish and comical level that it alters the entire tone of Gossip Girl. It’s hard to take any of the characters or plot points serious when Dorota is bouncing up and down and comically screaming in Polish. It’s cute to have Dorota and Vanya getting married, but it would have been best to just mentioned it in passing, not centered an entire episode around it.

Also, this was the second week in a row where there was a portion of the episode dedicated to a cheesy game. Last week, it was Assassins; this week it was that balloon game. Are they going to play strip Battleship next week? What is going on?

One bright spot was that Wallace Shawn returned as Cyrus, but even he seemed unclear about the episode’s tone. Cyrus is a sweet guy but he seemed crazy caffeinated in this episode, like the dude was a lil’ too excited about Dorota and Vanya’s nuptials. Also, he bought them an apartment?!!! Um, no. Although I did love that he bought it for them in Queens, a.k.a. not in the same ‘hood as the Waldorf household. And I did sort of find it adorable when he almost yelped “Nate!” when Mr. Archibald showed up to see Blair.

But the whole storyline about Eleanor feeling like a bad mother? Ooof. Snooze. Dear Eleanor, if you want to be considered a good mother, maybe you shouldn’t jet off to Paris and leave your daughter alone for months on end.

The Chuck and Blair break-up amounted to a band-aid being ripped off really slowly, and we all sort of knew the end result going in. It just felt like a filler episode where Blair had to consider her feelings for Chuck, and he had to fight for her. But we all knew she was not going to take him back. It just didn’t feel suspenseful or fresh. Blair’s bridesmaid dress was pretty spectacular though. Also, did anyone else notice they played Leighton Meester’s “Your Love’s a Drug” during the wedding reception? I certainly did since I have that song on my iPod and listen to it repeatedly.

Vanessa didn’t even show up in this episode — probably because she knows that scenes between her and Dan at this point equal nap time. Ironically, this relationship could use a shot of espresso! Someone get this girl back to the coffee shop!

I am totally digging mean-and-plotting Jenny. While I don’t really think she has any kind of chance to land Nate (sorry, but Serena’s got crazy cleavage on her side), it’s fun to watch her attempt to destroy their relationship. And I just love her sneering every time Serena is close by.

Speaking of Serena, why has it taken so long to locate her father? Doesn’t this seem like it’s been going on for years? Is he hiding with Bin Laden? Oh, no, he’s just in Palm Springs. Alrighty. Plus, all the back and forth with a returned Carter Baizen did seem awfully fishy. It didn’t really make sense for her to keep this all from Nate and just ended up making her look guilty.

So Serena’s mother has been staying with her ex-husband this whole time? Hmmmm. But what’s even crazier is that Lily apparently never thought Rufus would get suspicious when she didn’t call to check in? At least book a room under your name Lily.

Meanwhile, Eric’s crush showed up at Dorota’s wedding (!) because he and the bride bonded in the elevator over their love of The Vampire Diaries (very subtle, CW). But the guy brought a girlfriend. But then he asked Eric to dance. What gives? Well, silly, he’s a bisexual. Clearly, though, he favors Eric because both guys rock the same sad floppy bangs.

What did you think of last night’s Gossip Girl? Do you agree there’s too much Dorota? What did you think of Blair and Chuck’s break-up?

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Gossip Girl

Spotted: Serena, Dan, Blair, Chuck, Vanessa, and Nate — hooking up, breaking up, and freaking out. You know you love it! Xoxo!
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