By Ken Tucker
April 05, 2010 at 12:00 PM EDT

Performing in make-up and a costume that looked put together by her children, Kate Gosselin had another agonizing night on Dancing With The Stars. Moving with a vague sense of rhythm to what she said was “a song that speaks to me” — Lady Gaga’s “Paparazzi” — Gosselin and partner Tony Dovolani did their best pass at a paso doble.

Annie Barrett has her usual adroit analysis here; I’m weighing in solely on the only contestant with eight kids.

Unlike any other current person on Dancing With The Stars, Kate Gosselin has inserted the soap opera of her reality-show “real” life into the narrative of DWTS. At the same time, because she’s a reality star and not a trained performer, she can’t express that narrative in any appreciable way.

So this week, DWTS hauled in an acting coach to provide the pre-dance taped drama. After chatting with the coach, Kate sobbed that she could not show her emotions on her face because, she said, “I’m not allowed.” You know the subtext: All those years with poker-faced Jon Gosselin have turned her into a poker-faced performer now.

Effusive judge Bruno said he admired the way Kate came across as a “super-bitch from hell,” and as Tom Bergeron pointed out, that was the highest compliment her performance received.

After being told by millions across the internet that she had a sour expression throughout most of last week’s episodes, Gosselin might have pasted a big grin across her face. Instead, she went with anger… the quality even her Jon & Kate Plus Eight fans like least. I know, I know — she can’t win. Literally. My theory on the voting last week is that more people who phoned in votes — especially the female-dominated audience for DWTS — dislike Pam Anderson (perceived as a hussy) than they do Kate (perceived as a wronged woman). Therefore, more calls for Kate than Pam… last week. I’m not so sure that’ll be the case this week, with a Kate Gosselin who seemed even less recognizable than ever as the Kate her fans enjoy.

As I said: Come back here tomorrow for Annie Barrett’s complete recap.

More: Dancing with the Stars recap: What’s the story?

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