April 01, 2010 at 10:15 AM EDT

Image Credit: Eric McCandless/ABCOf course Phil loves his birthday, and of course Phil wants the iPad, and of course Phil has an online friend names SAT800. But unfortunately for Phil, his big day was a bust. He (almost) didn’t get his iPad on time, he didn’t get his surprise batting-cage party, and he needed a shovel for his cake. But fortunately for us, defeated, dead-inside Phil is almost funnier than dorky, excited Phil — “Honey, it’s okay, I don’t feel things anymore.” Though Apple (and a little lying Luke) saved the day and brought Big Phil back to life with the iPad, so he could taste food and love again. (P.S. How much did Apple have to pay to sponsor this entire episode?)

Aside from Phil’s birthday blunders, my other favorite moments of the night were Cameron yelling, “It’s go time,” while in attack mode to protect Lily, Claire drooling on the couch, Jay and Manny’s intense chess feud, and little Phil’s birthday party at the batting cages. It’s the little things that make this show so clever.

Oh wait, and how could I forget Mitchell’s baby monitor soap opera? I nearly died over his interaction with the mailman. I think we all need a Cameron in our lives to create a little drama and then clean up the mess.

And now onto the best quotes and quibbles of the evening.

“Not just that, the iPad comes out on my actual birthday. It’s like Steve Jobs and God got together and said, ‘We love you, Phil.'”  — Phil

“I’m going to teach him the real version, not the Colombian version. We actually use the pieces to play the game, not smuggle stuff out of the country.” — Jay on teaching Manny to play chess

“It comes to me naturally, I spent a year as a crossing guard.” — Cam on why he sprang to action so easily when he thought Lily was in danger

“Don’t wash this until we can see if we can get my skin back, okay?” — Phil after burning his hands on the Frenchwafflecake pan

“I don’t understand! My online buddies got it. SAT800 and Brobot got it and they weren’t there until 8.” — Phil, when Claire failed to get him the iPad

“Next week! That’s like the worst thing you can say to an early adopter.” — Phil, on not getting his iPad the day it was released

“When you said that everything you needed to learn you’d learn from Westside Story.” — Jay to Mitchell about his early refusal to learn how to fight

“Alex, stop trying to kill your brother.” — Claire to Alex

“Remember that Halloween when I wouldn’t let you dress up as Olivia Newton John?” — Jay trying to incite some anger in Mitchell

“Go to sleep, go to sleep.” — Mitchell to the guy in line

“Guess when it comes down to it, we’re all just Jeff Sweeney taking a fastball to the plums.” — Phil on his disappointing birthday

“If I lose, I burn this house down!” — Gloria being a sore loser at chess

“Touch it, but don’t touch it.” — Phil protecting his iPad

What did I miss? What were your favorite moments? Do you want Frenchwafflecakes for your next birthday? An what did you think of all the iPad talk: Are you as excited for it as Phil?

Parents just don’t understand… and neither do kids or spouses in this hit ensemble comedy
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