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Image Credit: Giovanni Rufino/The CWIt was a night of returns on Gossip Girl with Eleanor, Agnes, and that rando hooker girl from last fall (I seriously have zero memory of her — maybe Agnes drugged me too?) all back. But the most important return was some actually decent intrigue! Lordy, the last couple episodes had been dullsville but this one was at least slightly more exciting and that has everything to do with my favorite model/drug dealer/bowler-hat aficionado Agnes.

So we haven’t seen the pouty Agnes in about a year, and not much has really changed. In fact, she and Jenny seem to be carrying on parallel lives complete with raccoon eyes, short hemlines, and sullen expressions. It’s like they’re soul mates! And yet I found myself loving Agnes even more this time around. Why? I think because she finally got things moving on this show… even if it did mean moving to a bar full of potential date-rapists — more on that in a bit. Anyone who welcomes Jenny back into her life by saying, “I missed you bitch!” is okay in my book.

Also adding to the fun, Agnes has gotten even crazier since we last left her and developed a serious case of hostility towards Jenny. Not only did she drug the entire backstage, but she also drugged poor little J. Now this is when things get a little darker and skeevier than we’re used to: Agnes dragged Jenny to some random bachelor party (does she have an iPhone app to detect those?) and left her there to be date raped.

Jenny’s knight in shining bangs, Nate, ended up saving her, and it appeared that Little J was now developing a crush on Mr. Archibald. Cannot wait to see her and Serena fighting over pretty boy. Maybe Serena can yank out some of those atrocious extensions.

Before we depart this storyline, why would Rufus ever let Jenny work for Eleanor again? The last time was such a disaster, and clearly Jenny cannot balance work and school. Also, how can Eleanor hire someone who’s still in high school? I need answers before those plots are allowed to move forward.

So the other major storyline was Chuck’s mother and uncle seizing control of his hotel — but the whole plot kinda flopped. Frankly, I blame the casting of Laura Harring as Chuck’s mama. She was so stiff in all of her line readings. Plus, I just did not understand her character at all. Did she love Jack? Did she love Chuck? Did she love Bart? Did she have a discernible accent? It was all confusing. But I like the idea of Chuck and Blair going to war with Jack. That sounds promising. Also, where is Nate going to live now that Chuck’s been thrown out of the hotel? Poor dude is homeless.

I liked that they finally addressed that Blair had no friends. But it’s a little weird that she’s all of a sudden going to switch schools. Why didn’t she just do Columbia in the first place? It feels a little like the writers realized they had painted her into a corner and needed to move on. Maybe now we’ll actually get to see some of Columbia’s campus? It’s a good move, though, because Blair’s best when she’s bossing around folks. Speaking of, I didn’t really like the whole prostitute storyline. The plotting all felt kind of wonky and awkward with so many people forced to show up at the fashion show and all the various attempts at blackmail. Didn’t work for me.

Also not working was Dan and Vanessa’s relationship. Note: playing up how boring a relationship is does not make things exciting for television viewers. We want passion. We want sex. We don’t want them sitting on a bed, eating pierogies. Also, we don’t want Vanessa dressing up like Grace Kelly in Rear Window. WTF was that? I love that Serena and Nate encouraged role play, and Vanessa opted for about witnessing a murder. Notting Hill didn’t spring to mind? Or When Harry Met Sally?

BTW, where in the world is Eric? And why is no one concerned that the tiny gay is missing? Dude has been MIA for a looooooong time. Is he locked in cupboard somewhere? He is awfully small.

What did you think of last night’s Gossip Girl? Did you enjoy the return of Agnes? Where do you think Eric is?

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Gossip Girl

Spotted: Serena, Dan, Blair, Chuck, Vanessa, and Nate — hooking up, breaking up, and freaking out. You know you love it! Xoxo!
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