The funniest TV lines from the week of March 14

By EW Staff
March 26, 2010 at 04:00 AM EDT

”In rocker time, I was beyond early. I was stupid early. In real life, I was 10 minutes late.”—Bret Michaels, after being left behind by his team for being tardy, on The Celebrity Apprentice

”Hey, ’80s rom-com dating is never easy. You might have to give your underwear to a nerd. You might have to dress up like a guy and then fall for your best guy friend who thinks that you’re a guy. And this is all before people were allowed to be gay in movies. And then, on top of it all, your parents forget your birthday. Does that sound easy?” —Ashleigh (Amber Stevens), on the merits of ’80s teen films, on Greek

”Know what I hate? That little green planet they leave in the [hotel] bathroom. They’re like, ‘Oh, if you hang up your towel, you save the earth from extinction. Leave it on the floor, kill a panda.”’ —Tom Papa on The Marriage Ref

”I’m not abusing animals. I’m just wearing fur.” —Kelly on The Real Housewives of New York City

”I’m sweating like Tiger Woods in divorce court.” —Michael, during a workout, on The Biggest Loser: Couples