The second episode of High Society made it clear that socialites are taught to live by a different set of rules. For any Tinsleys in the making, fear not, for here is your introductory course free of charge.

Lesson 1. Always wear heels.

Tinsley, who hates, hates, HATES flats!, pranced around her apartment in Prada heels (she told us so, I’m not that much of a fashionista) while unpacking items from her old life (because it feels more natural than walking in flats or being barefoot).

Lesson 2. If you start a huge screaming match with an ex-friend, make sure to tell him or her that you don’t feel bad about it.

After fighting with Jules last week, P.J.C. had her meet him so they could talk. This led to zero resolution, no apologies, and the trading of cheap cell phone insults. “I don’t want your crackberry, I have an iPhone!”P.J.C. noted.

Lesson 3. Always be culturally sensitive to those around you.

Jules berated the hotel maid over improperly making her bed with her new Frette monogram sheets. When she saw that the pillowcase was upside down (making the showpiece initials illegible), she flipped out and provided yet another reason why she should be a UN ambassador ASAP, “In our country we don’t spell upside down!” She’s already teaching.

Lesson 4. If your daughter leaves a “fairytale” world on the Upper East Side, remind her at EVERY CHANCE YOU GET that she should go back.

To celebrate Tinsley’s new single life, her girlfriends presented her with photos of eligible men (including a shirtless club owner she would later go on a date with). Her mother, Dale, took things to a whole ‘nother level by presenting ta-daa! a picture of Tins and Topper from their wedding day. “Where’s the laughter? The clapping?!” she asked. Poor lady must be crazy, or at least suffer from selective hearing, because she can’t for the life of her accept that her daughter is almost a divorcee.

Lesson 5. Throwing a drink in a girl’s face when warranted is completely okay, but if you fail to pay for her dry cleaning the next day, you just look tacky.

P.J.C. apologized to Alex for letting her get caught in the crossfire of his fight with Jules (and taking a Jameson on the rocks to the face). She was more upset that he didn’t pay for her dry cleaning than the fact that he almost blinded her with ice and alcohol. An optometrist is covered by insurance, while fashion, sadly, is not!

Lesson 6. Always refer to the famous people that you associate with and all the press you receive.

Tinsley milked her way into Paris Fashion Week (because she wanted to make a name for herself internationally) and awkwardly tried to chat with Karl Lagerfeld about how “like, she like doesn’t wear black! it’s the weirdest thing!” For a moment I thought she was talking about promoting herself, as a “brand” overseas, but then sadly remembered that she is (sometimes) a fashion designer.

Lesson 7. Mingling with commoners can be a fun experience, and allow you to escape the harsh glare of the public eye.

Jules found entertainment in the lower tax bracket, by “slumming it at Doghouse Saloon in the Lower East Side. Since I’ve actually been to this establishment, here’s a disclaimer: they have free hot dogs! An ingenious idea when you’re drinking! For Jules, the night was sort of like a sociological experiment (she’s getting more experience for the U.N.!). Here are some of her findings:

“Every now and again I like to go downtown and like hang out with poor guys.”

“For a couple of uptown girls it is like sort of slumming going downtown. We like to toy with guys. Like, a girl who walks into a bar with heels there, it’s like unheard of.”

“It’s fun to go hang out with blue collar people at a scummy bar. They do fratty things like play beer pong.”

“The best thing about going to like a downtown bar like that is that it really doesn’t matter at the end of the day; we can just like leave after sort of screwing with them.”

Outside, her friend Cleo asked a passerby for a cigarette, Jules quickly scolded her, saying: “People like don’t have jobs and stuff down here!” If this is what she thinks of downtown, I can’t imagine her thoughts on the outer boroughs or (the horror!) the rest of the country.

Lesson 8. Before your daughter gets involved with a German, make sure you investigate his family records to be sure he wasn’t involved in the Holocaust

Dale hit the books, looking for proof that Kasimir, Tinsley’s boyfriend, is not the right fit for her daughter. Though he’s a prince he lacks the WASPy blood lines that are so titillating to matriarchs like herself. Her reaction to the discoveries she made, “mmhmm, this is what I was afraid of,” “goodness gracious, what a history!” “I’m checking this book out!” had me on the floor… it’s like she was learning history for the very first time. And maybe she was!

Lesson 9. Be sure your boyfriend is well versed in your reality TV script.

Tinsley met up with Kasimir in Paris, and things got really meta. While walking along the romantic streets, Kas abruptly interrupted their conversation, seemed to call “cut,” and demanded that filming start over. He droned on about not knowing about what they were talking about beforehand (what’s my motivation?). “Reality isn’t discussed!” screamed Tinsley, who was one pout away from having a temper tantrum about how the big bad German ruined her reality show. Though Kasimir may not have understood what this show is all about, it’s apparent that Tinsley is reluctant to ever give up the spotlight, even if it upsets those important to her.

So there are your lessons for this week, PopWatchers. Remember, practice makes perfect! You may now begin your quest for shameless photo opportunities and chances to dazzle your friends with your vast cultural understanding.

What are you thinking of High Society? Can you believe some of the things that Jules and Dale say? Would you pass up free hot dogs at a bar? Sound off below!