By Michael Slezak
Updated March 14, 2010 at 12:00 PM EDT

An ode to American Idol‘s ninth season, inspired by Crystal Bowersox’s Tracy Chapman cover from last Tuesday’s performance episode:

Give me one reason to tune in, and I’ll turn my TV on

Give me one reason to tune in, now that Lilly Scott is gone

Said I don’t want to hear Tim Urban

You got to make me change my mind

Baby I dialed for Alex, and I dialed for Katelyn too

But the tweens they texted faster, flushed my votes right down the loo

And now it’s down to Crystal, down to Crystal and Siobhan

To save the season

I know, I know…Simon would call that performance “indulgent.” Maybe he’d prefer the three-part Idolatry embedded below, in which my cohost Kate Ward and I try to make sense of the terrible, terrible things Ryan Seacrest told us on Thursday night. Our trusty producer @EWJasonAverett packed the episode with messages of outrage and sorrow that all of you Idoloonies posted on our message boards and via Twitter (where you can follow me @EWMichaelSlezak). Plus, you get to see my impersonation of a sparrow. Not to be missed! Enjoy, then share your own feelings down in the comments section, yo! (p.s. If you have any problem watching the embedded version below, click here and try viewing at our Idolatry hub, where you’ll also find archived episodes covering seasons 7 and 8 of Idol!)