We write our own script for Tiger Woods, taking lines from some of the most infamous celebrity apologies

By Adam Markovitz
February 26, 2010 at 05:00 AM EST

To Whom It May Concern,

I did a bad thing.1 I went…into a wormhole of selfishness and greediness and arrogance.2 I misled people, including even my wife. I deeply regret that.3 I was way out of order. I acted like a punk.4 I feel like Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents when he messed up everything and Robert De Niro asked him to leave.5 I’m terribly sorry.6 I’m terribly sorry.7 I’m terribly, terribly sorry.8

1. Hugh Grant to Jay Leno in 1995, discussing his dalliance with a prostitute.

2. John Mayer to fans at a concert after using the N-word in a February interview.

3. Bill Clinton admitting his affair with Monica Lewinsky on live TV in 1998.

4. Christian Bale to a radio host, about his 2009 on-set tirade.

5. Kanye West on his blog, after interrupting Taylor Swift at the 2009 VMAs.

6.– 8. David Letterman to his staff, Sarah Palin, and Paris Hilton.