By Annie Barrett
Updated February 18, 2010 at 03:42 PM EST

According to USA Today, the final jump on the Women’s Olympic ski course will be changed for safety reasons after all of the devastating crashes we saw in Day 6’s downhill event. Well, good, because Things That Made Me Die Inside Last Night = Watching Female Skiers Crash. A few days ago, those bouncy mogul competitions made my rickety bum knees tingle pretty badly and I thought okay, this sucks but I can handle it, selective pain, it’s psychosomatic, stop imagining your body has anything to do with sculpted Olympian physiques, you lunatic, etc.. But it turns out I wasn’t even READY because the total wipeouts endured during last night’s Women’s Downhill finals threw Olympics viewers into a full-fledged WORLD OF PAIN. Once they crashed, the Energizer ski bunnies just kept going and going and going and going and eventually they just sat up (like Italy’s Daniela Merighetti, pictured), defeated, shoulders slumped all George Michael Bluth/Snoopy-like, and still they kept sliding and sliding and sliding downhill and then finally, FINALLY there were tears at the end. And throughout. In my living room. I am aware that crashes happen during ski events, but did anyone else feel guilty watching this mess?

So, if your still-intact internal organs can handle it, watch the Deluxe Crash Remix with the sound off and this song on instead and imagine that Bono is Whistler Mountain and his love, “like a screaming flower” with her “spirit in the air,” is the innocent lady skier who didn’t get to do enough trial runs due to inclement weather.

We crossed the line

Who pushed who over?

It doesn’t matter to you

It matters to me

We’re cut adrift

We’re still floating

I’m only hanging on

To watch you go down

My love

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett