By Michael Slezak
Updated February 05, 2010 at 06:33 AM EST

Idoloonies, you’re goin’ to Hollywood! But not until next Tuesday, when American Idol‘s ninth season incarnation of Hell Week — with new permanent judge Ellen DeGeneres — gets underway in earnest. Before we get to all the tears and rage and beauty of group performances and a capella chicanery*, however, why not join my cohost Annie Barrett and me to review the fourth and final week of auditions? We delve into the show’s new and bizarre position that children are nothing more than adorable dream-crushers, examine the last-minute burst of manflesh that defined the Denver auditions, and look at the handful of legitimate contenders who emerged during the Denver and “Road to Hollywood” telecasts. Plus, you’ll get to experience “The Wisdom of Avril Lavigne, Vol. 379.” If that’s not worth pressing play below, then you might as well give up on the Internet forever. In other words, watch! Then post your own thoughts in the comments below! And finally, follow me on Twitter @EWMichaelSlezak!

* Uh-huh, I said “chicanery”!