'Cougar Town' recap: You even pick up balls sexy

On last night’s Cougar Town, the boys went on a bender, Travis and Laurie continued to flirt over granola bars in Dale’s closet, and Ellie reprimanded Jules for being selfish. I thought she was the selfish one. Can they just agree they’re both selfish? Not before a chase scene! Courteney Cox is fast. I doubt anyone believes Ellie was ahead of Jules the whole time even with an assist from a street-strewn garbage can, but that probably made it funnier. A hot tennis instructor whose button nose Jules wanted to put on a string and wear around her neck provided even more physical comedy fodder than usual in “All the Wrong Reasons.”

My absolute favorite moment of the tennis situation was when Jules ripped off her track pants in slow motion as if she were an NBA (No Boys Allowed) star, but the orgasmic sound effects accompanying her tennis swings were a close second. “Did you really just say ‘Oh, God’? asked Ellie before exiting in a huff, Jon Hamm-in-30 Rock-style. Should Jules have backed off Ellie’s fake boyfriend? My 5 top lines other than the brilliant “Takeback so I don’t spiral!” are after the jump.

(God, these are hard to pick. I transcribed practically the entire episode because everything is a sound bite.)

“Chillax, tweet, Rihanna.” [Awesome Busy Philipps cringe] “I hate myself.” — Jules, who knows how to talk like the young people

“I would also use [a time machine] to go back in time to tell my cousin not to give her daughter up for adoption. We’re pretty sure she’s Dakota Fanning now.” — Laurie

“Never barge in on an 18-year-old who has the Internet.” — Travis

“Eggplants are vegetables. My uncle’s a vegetable because he got hit by a truck. Trucks carry beers, beers come in 40s, I’m 40 and alone, what am I doing with my life, Ellie?” — Jules

“Remember in your 20s when you could drink all night and still feel good enough in the morning to write a love letter to your girlfriend? I was a different person in college.” — Grayson

Speaking of one’s 20s and drinking all night, Bobby, Grayson, and alpha dog Andy’s hilarious photo montage set to “The Boys Are Back In Town” was a perfect complement to the “All The Single Ladies” clip show back when Jules had her “20s Weekend.” The random how-did-that-happen progression from sipping the first drink to eventually posing with guns in both montages was a nice touch.