February 03, 2010 at 10:09 PM EST

My Full house of cards has come crashing down. I was so damn excited a few hours ago after reading that the Tanner/Katsopolis Victorian — the TV house in which I most wanted to live as a youth who did not yet understand the glory of privacy — was up for sale. It is not. Some lame other house is. This is so sad. I was going to ask if any of you wanted to split the cost. I mean, I have like $200. But I bet there were enough Full House fans to make it happen.

I was going to call shotgun to live in the attic, where I would tape up inspirational glamour shots of Uncle Jesse’s hair and accept occasional, scandalous visits from Steve Holt precursor Steve Hale. The first person to join me would probably want Danny Tanner’s stunning master bedroom, which boasts a creepy fireplace, a reorganized closet, and a hole in the wall! Whoever joined our FULL HOUSE next could have had the bedroom with the inexplicable pink bunny wallpaper. The next roommate could live in the spacious Candace Cameron Dream Teen Luxury Suite with her annoying little sister. We would have “Locomotion” parties in the basement with the totally ’80s jingle-recording equipment. We would force our drunken overnight guests to pile up in Michelle’s crayon bed. Everyone would be welcome except for Andrea Barber, who would need to KEEP OUT. (Update: Andrea Barber loves this blog item. She is now more than welcome and can even have the attic.)

And now it will never happen, because real estate rumors are crazy and also because the T/K dollhouse was on a sound stage and not real. Carry on with your day as I go work out my aggression on a StairMaster, collapse into a heap, and then agree to eat spaghetti and meatballs for dinner after a heart-to-heart with a lady in the subway station who looks nothing like Aunt Becky.

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

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