'24' recap: Don't do him, Renee! Wait... you already did?

Josef’s probably wishing he were suffering from a little radiation poisoning of his own right about now. Miraculously, Sergei’s henchman managed to track down his two sons at Dr. Levine’s Mt. Vernon clinic (and how they pulled that off, we’ll probably never know) and bring them back to papa, who gave Josef a licking before stopping his other boy’s heart from ticking. And then, he sealed it with a kiss and a threat (never disobey me again)! Damn intimidating, that Sergei – though he probably just made an enemy out of his surviving offspring. Not that Josef is the sharpest pin in the cushion; did that dude actually accuse his pop of putting the family at risk by offing the doctor and his staff? As if dealing in weapons grade uranium was just another hazard-free affair?

Just one week ago, I couldn’t understand how Dana was getting in so deep with a louse that she could probably eradicate with a click of her mouse – and then color me disappointed when I realized tonight’s episode had ended before she helped to pull off a pretty sneaky robbery. Following through with Kevin’s demands that she help secure him some cash, Dana used her computer skills to track down a large stash at a police department warehouse; all he and his mysterious, rifle-wielding cohort would need was a special keycard (made by her) to allow them access. As predicted, that lechy Arlo finally began to sense trouble: when Dana didn’t complete the mundane task he requested, he monitored the parking lot video and discovered her meeting with Kevin behind his sleazy van. Unfortunately for Arlo, he’s the only one at CTU who’s noticed that Dana seems a bit distracted (Cole are you there? Cole?). When Arlo tried to find a like mind in Chloe, she promptly excoriated him for flirting and then questioned whether he was going to stare at her ass when she walked away. And what did the camera do? Allow us to stare at her ass when she walked away. Nice one, producers (and I mean that about the shot and her skinny little ass).

But let’s get back to Renee. I remain hugely conflicted about this character’s journey, especially since my cynical side had me thinking that Fox once saw her as the future of the 24 franchise. Call her a veritable Jackie Bauer! But since there’s no replacing the Kief, she’s now devolved into a caricature of an anti-hero that I don’t like nor am I particularly eager to root for. We know now that Jack was wise to worry about sending Renee back to Vlad, who’s not only still a rapist but who’s decided to take advantage of her life-is-so-not-worth-living attitude and bring her back into his lair. Clearly, her skin crawls at the very sight of this man and yet… she stays! To save Hassan and his people! Even with Jack yelling in her ear that he can find another way! Her decision to acquiesce to this goon really irritated me, to say nothing of how it robbed her character of some power that we were led to believe she (still) had. Thank God our man Jack (looking and sounding most sophisticated with his Hugh Grant-like frames and superb Deutschland dialect) knew enough to have Cole and his team at the ready to kill Vlad’s team. Jack’s getting closer to the nukes… or so it seems.

And look who’s getting unspooled! Fantastic Sam is starting to distrust everybody, including a member of his own team who’s been taken into custody. A hunky bodyguard seems concerned, so he places a call to Hassan’s daughter Kayla – who you know has a few more secrets that have yet to be revealed. That’s all we got from that arc tonight, so it’s time for you to pontificate about her involvement — but not before you answer the following questions: Are you down with Renee? Did you buy her ultimate sacrifice? And did she actually take a shower with the earpiece still lodged in her head?