'The Real Housewives of Orange County' Recap: Lynne melts down

And I mean that literally. Poor Lynne had too much to drink and she started wailing at the table about the struggles of parenting teens and you could see the threads snapping from her recent facelift. It was not a good look for her, and should be a reminder to us all that there is nothing less becoming than an ugly, drunk cry.

Alexis had decided that it was her God-given mission to mend fences between Gretchen and Tamra. (Some people raise money for Haiti, some build houses for Habitat for Humanity. Whatever your calling, Alexis reminds us all to heed!) So she planned a girls’ cooking lesson at her house. For a while there, a good time was had by all save Vicki, who reminded us that 1 p.m. on a work day is not a good time for her to swill chardonnay with the ladies. Not when there are rows of diamonds to count on her new ring from Don and power point presentations to prepare on the fundamentals of money management. (Oh how I fear that our Vicki believes she is cleverly laying the groundwork to become the next Suze Orman)

Lynne had already had a tough first half of an episode. She thought a good trip to the mall would help restore some respect between her and her pouting daughter. But Alexa — who despite her nauseating sense of entitlement made actual sense — went off on her for hiring a youthologist instead of actually parenting her herself. “You don’t think she inspired you a little bit?” wondered Lynne. “I want you to inspire me,” Alexa smartly retorted, before declaring her mother to be a bitch. Lynne tried convincing her daughter that she was always there for her, except for when she wasn’t, and it’s really the girl’s own fault she’s gone so much because Lynne has to work hard so she can afford Alexa’s expensive makeup. The conversation had clearly gone off the rails but then Alexa really crossed a line by hurling her mother’s cuff bracelet at her. “All you want me to do is a frigging commercial for your cuffs!” Alexa accused. Lynne looked stricken, cradling her tossed cuff like a baby chick. “Oh, that’s really nice that you treat my cuff that way,” she said, angling it towards the camera like a hostess on the Home Shopping Network.

So her nerves were raw when she showed up to Alexis’ house in her go-go boots and black sweater mini. (“Housewives say wha?” asked Tamra in response to her friend’s outfit. Give the girl credit — she continues to work hard to coin a catchphrase that sticks.) Lynne got sloshed and handled cutlery and worried over her butter consumption. When the ladies sat down to lunch, Gretchen made the mistake of asking about Alexa. “Alexa is an amazing little actress,” Lynne said unkindly. When Gretchen pushed her again into admitting that the girl was sending out real cries for help, Lynne’s face started crumbling as it fought the Botox for expressions of grief and regret. The women can’t understand, what with their idyllic situations of little children plopped in front of TV sets. She remember when her girls watched Barney too, you know! Oh Lynne, so drunk. “It’s freakin’ hard to live in Orange County!” she sobbed. It’s freaking hard getting drunk in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon with the girls. It’s freakin’ hard that Hailey got a BMW when she was 16 years old. It’s freakin’ hard to market cuff bracelets to the masses. As Lynne cried about life’s hardships, Tamra tried freakin’ hard not to snicker up halibut into her napkin.

In other news, Gretchen is launching a beaute line.

What did you all think? Did you find Lynne sympathetic? Do you think she later barfed in Alexis’ powder room? Did Simon and Tamra’s morning routine and garage clean-out make you wish that these two crazy kids find a way to stick together?