Dan Snierson's Hit List

1. Jersey Shore stars play hardball during negotiations for second season, want big raises
The network has resorted to the divide-and-conquer tactic, and is reportedly close to striking a deal with the Situation’s abs.

2. Nielsen study shows that 51 percent of viewers prefer Super Bowl commercials to the game itself
In related news, 51 percent of the population have breasts.

3. Rob Estes and Jennie Garth to exit 90210
What’s that? The adults are leaving? WHOOOOO!!! PARTYYYY!!!!

4. Air America Radio goes broke, signs off the air
”We can give you a conservative estimate of how much money we lost, but l wouldn’t trust it,” said a company spokesman with a wink.

5. After reading Rolling Stone cover story on himself, in which he discusses masturbation, John Mayer tweets: ”I’m still not sure if I would want to hang out with me”
Luckily, he SuperPoked himself a few times on Facebook, and his self-esteem came rushing back.

6. Networks, studios, and agencies settle age-discrimination case with TV writers
The scribes will be paid $70 million — or, if they’d prefer, 738,000 Diagnosis Murder DVD box sets.

7. Heidi Montag sells only 658 copies of new album Superficial in first week
Even more humiliating? Her plastic surgeon refused to artificially inflate her numbers.

8. Oprah lands first interview with Jay Leno about NBC’s late-night debacle
Way to get a chin up on the competition, O.

9. Prince writes fight song for Minnesota Vikings
Four out of five critics and sports fans agree: It’s a Favre cry from being good.

10. After four decades together, German band Scorpions announce plans to retire
It’s probably for the best. The last time they tried to rock someone like a hurricane, it was downgraded to a tropical storm.