Sadly, the upcoming book Eat, Sleep, Poop is not a faux-self-help memoir penned by me, about living in New York during my Roarin’ 20s. This is especially sad because the parenting book, which was written by Beverly Hills-based pediatrician Scott W. Cohen and won’t be on stands until March 30, is going to become a movie. A MOVIE. DreamWorks has enlisted Matt Allen and Caleb Winston (Four Christmases) to write it. Quick, PoopWatchers, let’s help them decide how much to focus on each of these three essential life activities. As a relentless night owl, I’d personally go Eat, Poop, Sleep, even though what I said in the headline remains true. Feel free to explain your ranking system in the comments. Nothing has ever been more important than this.

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett