Own a piece of the Stephen Colbert empire (for charity!)

You have an extra 10 grand, right? Wrong? Either way, this absolutely needs to be filed under Things That Are Awesome: Stephen Colbert is auctioning off three beloved pieces from The Colbert Report‘s former set online at ColbertNation.com. I’m yelling at my computer screen now, to mimic my hero: IT’S A COLBERT NATION LIQUIDATION. First up: The interview table of yore (currently at $9,300), which has been lovingly “buffed to a shine by my scorn.” Chairs not included because two production assistants probably rolled them home, or at least they did if they were smart. 100 percent of this week’s profits will benefit the American Red Cross’ Haiti relief. 11 hours left!

This week’s item is the C-shaped desk, and during week three Colbert will somehow part with the Season Four Portrait, which truly embodies the spirit of the auction’s slogan, “Own a Piece of Histor-Me.” AT&T will match the winning bid, so, as Colbert said on Monday night’s show, “Let’s jack up the price until their wallet aches.”

What would you do with, or on, Colbert’s interview table if you got it? No, not that! Other things. Or, that.