Sound Bites: This week's best TV quotes

”That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.” — Phil (Ty Burrell), about the porn found on a home computer, on Modern Family

”I would love to fly to the moon, but I can’t. Actually, I could.” — Simon Cowell, crushing a contestant’s dreams, on American Idol

”Glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts. This is gonna stay on me forever!” — Liz’s friend, after Liz asks him to put on body paint for a school project, on My Life as Liz

”Liz, I am happy. All this attention, getting my picture taken, having ice-cold diarrhea from drinking too much Jamba Juice — it’s everything I ever wanted.” — Jenna (Jane Krakowski), to Liz (Tina Fey), about her fake relationship with James Franco, on 30 Rock