Hello, Idoloonies, and welcome to the fourth season premiere of Idolatry (in seven parts), featuring a discussion about the ninth season premiere of American Idol and an interview with the magnificent Fantasia Barrino. Part One is as loopy and ambitious as Idolatry has ever gotten, but if you can follow along with a subplot featuring Japanese scientists and text messages from the future, I promise you’ll get a shocking revelation from my cohost Kristen Baldwin that will rock the Most Important Show on the Internet* to its very core. After that, Kristen and I get into a discussion about contestants who suffer from Boyz II Men syndrome, Idol‘s forays into stereotyping southerners as incestuous hillbillies, Kara DioGuardi’s all-purpose uselessness (the gift that keeps on giving), and the chart prospects of “Pants on the Ground.” Then, in parts 5-7, I get ‘Tasia to dish how she approaches her tributes to the great ladies of soul, why she’s hoping for pop crossover success, and what it means to “get ugly.” Press play below for the whole shebang, and when you’re done watching, head on down to the comments to let us know what you think. Oh, and in case I haven’t said it enough times this week, do follow me on Twitter @EWMichaelSlezak. (Also, check out my full recaps of Idol‘s Boston and Atlanta audition episodes.) Holla, hey-ey!

*According to unnamed sources known as my mother.