January 04, 2010 at 06:10 PM EST

There isn’t even any black tulle under Cyndi Lauper’s business skirt. I just say. Behold the cast of season 3 of The Celebrity Apprentice, premiering Sunday, March 14 on NBC. Starting all the way on the left with the lady you don’t recognize, we have comedian-writer Carol Leifer, Sinbad, WWE wrestler Maria Kanellis, former Illinois governor and karaoke failure Rod Blagojevich, Sharon Osbourne as Dr. Evil, track and field Olympian Michael Johnson, Joe Combover, chef Curtis Stone, gift from heaven Cyndi Lauper, WWE heavyweight Bill Goldberg, famed rightfielder Darryl Strawberry, sex bomb Bret Michaels, lingerie model Selita Ebanks, swimmer Summer Sanders, and actress-children’s book author Holly Robinson Peete.

Blago vs. Sharon Osbourne could be funny, but I’m a bit underwhelmed by the cast. This is probably okay. I mean, we didn’t expect “whore pit viper” to enter the lexicon the moment Melissa Rivers was cast alongside her mom and Annie Duke, and look how that turned out. Also, I don’t mean to brag, but I am a lot more familiar with this cast than everyone else, because my childhood bedroom wall featured those two-page insert glamour shots you found in the middle of Sports Illustrated for Kids for both Summer Sanders and Darryl Strawberry. It follows that Celebrity Apprentice season 3 will finally force me to confront one of my life’s most puzzling quandaries: Knowing that I only hung up Darryl because I like strawberries and at the time was desperate for a ninth poster to complete my tacky 3×3 display, why did I never bother to replace him with gymnast Dominque Dawes? So weird. It’s something I’ve been meaning to deal with for a long time.

Your thoughts on the season 3 Celeb Apprentice cast? If Bret Michael suffers a diabetic coma, will Cyndi wake him up with “Time After Time”?

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