The 10 hottest topics for the week of December 11, 2009

1. Zac and Vanessa host a dinner party
But when Selena Gomez is found facedown in a bowl of Sour Patch Kids with a sparkly barrette in her back, the hunt is on for the killer!

2. Nicolas Cage wins a U.N. award for his charitable donations
Ah, that’s nothing compared with the award the IRS is about to give him for donations yet to be made.

3. Tom and Katie show off Suri dressed as a flamenco dancer in Spain
It’s basic celebrity-child camouflage. The Jolie-Pitts often disguise their brood as a troop of tiny mariachis.

4. Gaga meets the Queen of England
This opens formal diplomatic relations between Britain and Gaga’s home planet.

5. Colin Firth got a personal trainer after Tom Ford called him fat
Quick, Tom Ford: Call America fat and save us from diabetes!

6. Jenny McCarthy predicts she’ll ”rock as a grandma”
That’s unfortunate. I’d hoped she would rap as a grandma. That would’ve been hilarious. Guess we’re not quite there yet.

7. Hefner on Tigergate: Monogamy is overrated
I think the last thing Tiger needs right now is encouragement from Hugh Hefner.

8. Adam Lambert’s appearance on The View was pretaped
Why? Did they finally decide to protect us from the stuff coming out of Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s mouth?

9. George Michael says all he needs is ”music, sex, and TV”
”Oh, and an alarm clock,” he adds. ”I keep falling asleep in my car. So, to review: music, sex, TV, and an alarm clock. And food, I suppose.”

10. Bloggers point out that the Avatar theme song sounds like ”My Heart Will Go On,” only worse
Will I have to listen to the Avatar theme song played at the weddings of all of my giant-blue-salamander friends for the next decade now?