30 Rock

What I wouldn’t give to see Alec Baldwin and Julianne Moore perform a full-on version of “Hey, Beantown!” This episode of 30 Rock had some awesome Liz/Jack moments, a nice little storyline for Pete and Danny, and the invention of a whole new pizza-loving religion. These are the 10 best lines from “Secret Santa.”

“Those sites are for horny married chicks with kids who want to exchange pervy e-mails with their high-school boyfriends.” Liz, whose haircut is, uh, growing out

“Would you get us some pens?” — Jack, who’s been fingertagged

“There are definitely faces here, but they are not being treated with respect.” — Liz, who’s putting a hyphen in it

“The healing power of root beer, that a man can have up to nine wives if two of them are male, and we always leave work to go to the movies on Merlinpeane.” — Twofer, Lutz, and Frank, who need to be punished by an angry god

“It’s like a shag carpet! I want to sit on it and play a board game!” — Nancy, who could have pointed out that Alec Baldwin’s hair looked kind of weird in this episode

“It’s definitely not a rage stroke.” — Jenna, who loves sharing the stage

“That’s what religion is, K-Fed! Just a bunch of made-up rules to manipulate people! Why don’t Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I’ll tell you why. Because the Pope owns Long John Silver’s!” — Tracy, who has fallen into the intellectual deep end

“Weird in a good way. Like going to the gym drunk.” — Jack, whose “OMFG” is my new favorite sound

“Aww, sharkfarts!” — Liz, who’s planning on eating pasta with red sauce

“This is like watching Hemingway write. Mark Hemingway.” — Jack, who didn’t change his status to weirdsies

What’d I miss, PopWatchers?

Episode Recaps

30 Rock
30 Rock

Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, and Tracy Morgan star in the Emmy-winning comedy. You want to go to there.

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