The annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show aired last night on CBS, and for the first time, it featured an outfit (the polka-dotted monstrosity that poor Candice Swanepoel, pictured left, had to wear) that even Alessandra Ambrosio, pictured right, couldn’t have made sexy. Also, America crowned a new Angel.

From nearly 10,000 hopefuls, it came down to two: Jamie Lee Darley and Kylie Bisutti. I thought Jamie Lee’s seemingly larger cup size might sway the vote, but I believe she lost it when they each had to look into the camera (while they were getting their hair and makeup done) and explain why we should choose them. Jamie Lee said, “I promise if you vote for me, I will rock it so hard and be the most gracious, humble, happiest angel in the world for you.” Kylie said, “I promise if you vote for me, I won’t disappoint you. I’ll be out there and give it my sexy, flirty, fun, confident walk, and I bet you’ll be happy.” Kylie, whose cups still runneth over, used the better buzz words — “sexy,” “flirty,” “fun” and “confident” trumps “gracious” and “humble” — and made it more about her audience. Jamie Lee would be happy for herself, but YOU will be happy with Kylie. Perhaps Jamie Lee thought her plea was to women, while Kylie knew she was addressing men? Just a theory.

Kylie also could have gotten a leg up from trainer David Kirsch saying she most pleasantly surprised him in Angel boot camp with her workout ethic, and that her only problem was that she didn’t have enough butt for him — which he could fix. “I’ve been called the Master of the Ass,” he said. “I will shape, tone, sculpt, and it will have been Kirsched.” Speaking of Kirsch, maybe women were supposed to feel a sick sense of justice when he said contestant Alicia was “in for a rude awakening” after she told him she pretty much liked everything about her body, but hearing those statements back-to-back like that just made me sad for any teen girl staying up late for the telecast. I get that by calling them Angels you’re implying these women are otherworldly creatures and not relatable, and that there’s a well-established image that everyone knows a Victoria’s Secret model needs to project (like a waitress at Hooters), but the editing of that body critique could’ve been a bit more responsible. Maybe they just assumed we wouldn’t take any man seriously who says something like, “Alicia, put your brain in your butt right now. It should be on fire.” Okay, they have a point.

Other thoughts:

• These models go against everything Miss J teaches on America’s Next Top Model. They take the runway like rock stars, hyping the crowd, blowing kisses to people or their own biceps, fanning themselves, saying meow and scratching like cats, bending over to show off their underwear that say “all me” then striking a call me pose… Fascinating. I was a little afraid that one of the models would start jumping up and down when dropped the beat during The Black Eyed Peas’ opening performance of “Boom Boom Pow,” but these women are professionals and know that you only shake it from the waist down in lingerie. Cue the slo-mo cam!

• For the evening’s most unfortunate segment, I’d go with the one that had the giant inflatable pink dog balloon at its center — though I did love the rock version of “It’s the Same Old Song” to which it was set.

• I would have actually liked to hear more bits of trivia as the women walked, like how many additional crunches did Marisa Miller do knowing that she’d be modeling a $1 million bra, and how many different ensembles did Heidi Klum try on before finding the right one to wear for her triumphant post-baby return to the catwalk?

What did you think of this year’s Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show? Holla!

Photo credit: Jeffrey R. Staab/CBS

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