In lieu of bread crumbs, last night’s Thanksgiving-themed Gossip Girl was stuffed with pregnancies, elevator grab-ass, and a really inappropriate onesie. Still, I’m sure the Pilgrims would have enjoyed this Upper East Side feast; there had to be at least a few teen soap fans on the Mayflower.

The big entrée was Serena’s relationship with the most boring man in New York, aka Tripp Vanderbilt. I honestly don’t get why Serena would choose this dude over Nate. He’s a snooze and he has Conan O’Brien hair. Also, is it just me or does it seem like Gossip Girl producers have a thing for elevators? Why are things ALWAYS going down in elevators? Just a couple weeks ago we had that major heart to heart between Serena and Blair in the elevator. Let’s move on to some new locations. Maybe an escalator? Or perhaps one of those treadmills they have in airports? That could be fun! The whole elevator makeout session did lead to Chuck’s pretty genius line: “A little Thanksgiving proclamation: You two ever play grab ass in my elevator again and Serena will be staying in an airport Marriott.” “Grab-ass” has to be one of my favorite, little-used expressions.

Of course, Serena had the most inappropriate outfit at Thanksgiving. I normally love a onesie but I feel like that could be a difficult outfit when you’re stuffing yourself with food and drink.

I’m not sure what’s going on in the Humphrey/Van der Woodsen household but clearly there are no scissors in sight. Rufus, Dan, and Eric are all approaching serious haircut emergency territory. Eric’s hair sort of makes him look even more pathetic. It’s sad and floppy. But I like that he’s full of rage towards Jenny. Loved the moment when he texted Kira that they needed to strike and then he stabbed his pumpkin pie. You just know he was imagining decimating Jenny’s horrible weave.

So it looks as if Dan really does now have the hots for Vanessa. I’m not sure how I feel about this. Although he’s gotta have more chemistry with her than he had with Olivia. And Vanessa looked good this episode! Her hair looked great and her boho style was toned down. Still really do not like her mother, though. It’s hard to get on board with a character who’s basically just there to be annoying. I’d be okay with that lady not returning for a while.

One character who I do enjoy is the sublimely snobby CeCe. I’ve missed that sassy old broad. But the big secret with Lily (she stayed in California because she loved her newly sweet mother) was totally anticlimactic. Also, nice people have no place on Gossip Girl. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again!

So, I might have had a complete mental block but I don’t really remember hearing about Eleanor and Cyrus jetting off to Europe. Am I alone? I mean I know they’ve been missing but I just thought they were offscreen. In any case, Blair thinking her mother was pregnant was pretty hilarious, particularly her shout out to my least favorite Gossip Girl character OF ALL TIME. ““No offense to Cyrus but do you think the world really needs another Aaron Rose?” Um, amazing. It was like Blair was possessed by my bitchy spirit. That does make me sad to think we may not see Cyrus and Eleanor anymore; they were such an adorable couple and there was something awesome about Wallace Shawn being on Gossip Girl.

The big news though was that Eleanor wasn’t expecting but Dorota was. When in the hell have she and Vanya had time to procreate? Aren’t they always working? That was kind of adorable when she finally confessed the truth to him and he was so excited. Yay for Dorota and I’m excited to see what maid maternity wear looks like.

I love that Blair offers Serena a trip to France in order to cheer her up. My friends barely offer to buy me a beer when I’m down. And then Serena ended up going off with Conan O’Brien! Dear Serena, ditch the dork and hit up the City of Lights!

So what do we think Tripp’s wife is gonna do with that letter from Serena’s father? Hopefully this means we’ll be seeing Papa Van der Woodsen soon.

Poor Nate is just having a rough time with love. First, there was total dud Bree. And now Serena is totally dissing him. He may not have romance but he does have BROmance (see what I did there!). That was so cute when Chuck took him to get drunk at the end. I wonder if they went back home first to pick up their murses. I know I would!

Did anyone else notice the song playing during the dinner table scene? It was Jason Derulo’s “Whatcha Say” which covers Imogen Heap’s “Hide and Seek.” OC fans will remember that was the song playing in the season 2 finale when Marissa shot Ryan’s brother Trey (it was also memorably spoofed in an SNL Digital Short). Nice little homage to Josh Schwartz’s first teen drama.

Another really good Gossip Girl. I’m so happy to see this season get on track. Nice work GG folks!

What did you think of last night’s episode, PopWatchers? Do you buy Serena and Tripp? What should Dorota and Vanya name their baby?!

Episode Recaps

Gossip Girl

Spotted: Serena, Dan, Blair, Chuck, Vanessa, and Nate — hooking up, breaking up, and freaking out. You know you love it! XOXO!

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