The 10 hottest topics for the week of November 27, 2009

1. Beard expert says Brad Pitt is ”marking a new stage in his career” with his scraggly gray chin-weasel
That’s what my beard usually means, too, if you interpret ”marking a new stage in his career” as ”living in his Nissan.”

2. Robin Thicke and his wife have already picked out baby names
”We were gonna go with first-pet-plus-street-you-grew-up-on,” said Thicke. ”But then I figured, ‘My name is already Thicke. This is overkill.”’

3. Heidi Klum hits the runway in lingerie six weeks after giving birth
That’s right. Walk it off, girl.

4. Lisa Kudrow says Friends reunion probably won’t happen
”Although,” she added, ”I hear they haven’t settled on a story line for next season’s Curb Your Enthusiasm.”

5. After appearing together in a stripper sex tape, Creed’s Scott Stapp says he and Kid Rock ”haven’t sat down face-to-face since the incident”
Oprah! This is your retirement show booking itself right in front of you. Jump on it.

6. Joe Jonas is Team Edward
Those feel like two tween streams that should never cross, lest a black hole open and consume us all.

7. Jon Gosselin brings bouquet of roses to a divorce arbitration hearing with Kate
What a nice, totally spontaneous, and completely unstaged gesture!

8. Zac Efron would love to play a Bond villain
And I would love to watch Daniel Craig shoot Zac Efron in the eye. We have a deal!

9. Adam Lambert performs highly suggestive S&M-ish dance at the AMAs
Wow. Nothing this wild has happened at the American Medical Association banquet since the year ”Dr. Feelgood” came out.

10. Jessica Alba spends $114 at newsstand on decorating and wedding magazines
Attention, Cash Warren: Whatever’s going on, it’s not good for you.