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When I saw these Darth Vader sneakers I almost had a heart attack out of sheer desire. (Though the Storm Trooper ones are pretty amazing, too.) But then I thought of my already ridiculous number of Star Wars possessions and tchotckes — Darth Tater, I love you — and realized I probably won’t shell out for these kicks. At least not when so many other amazing options abound. It really is useless to resist!

If these Converse hightops (pictured) were my size, I’d be bidding on them like crazy. Subtle, compared to some of these other options, but nonetheless distinctive.

In a more retro vein, there are these Vader canvas kicks with awesome but perhaps slippery sole. (They come in blue, too.) In other Vader sole options, there are these kiddie ones. Awww, baby Vaders!

Rain boots, why are you only for children? Why can’t you come in grown-up sizes? Might I just buy black rain boots and put a Darth Vader decal on them? I might. Don’t you dare judge me. Sadly, there is no simple way to recreate the magic and majesty of these Ewok snowboots.

Speaking of “tragically only in kids sizes,” these soft lowtops just say “Star Wars” on them. I like that kind of directness in branded footwear. More old-skook Clarks sneakers that I want: these X-wing ones.

These licensed slippers (pictured) in the so-bad-it’s-good category (compare to these awesome fanmade slip-on Vans, which are just plain good). Weird slippers never really caught on, I guess, which is too bad: these Chewbacca slippers are kind of amazing.

Darth Vader sandals are completely rancid, however. No to you, and no to you.

Finally, these embroidered leather Vader shoes (pictured) are my new Holy Grail. I will search for you all of my days and never rest:

Do you share my obsession here, PopWatchers? Aren’t you tired of just boring old t-shirts?