TV's funniest lines from November 2 to November 8

”You’re jealous of me…. Maybe it’s because when I put on these skinny jeans, my ass looks like a baby pumpkin.” — Pierce (Chevy Chase), to his bandmate, on Community”

”My parents, manager, and three of my agents are all flying in from L.A. on Monday to convince me to do it. It’s like The Sopranos, but with bagels.” — Olivia (Hilary Duff), about making a sequel to her Endless Knights vampire franchise, on Gossip Girl

”I’m definitely gonna do [a triathlon]. I’ve already got the run and the bike thing down. I just need to learn how to swim.” — Michael (Steve Carell) on The Office

”Well, my grandmama Bombelli always said if the men can still button their pants, dinner ain’t over yet.” — Angie (Drea de Matteo), while serving dinner to Bree and Orson, on Desperate Housewives

“After Halloween, there’s always the issue of what to do with the leftover pumpkins. You don’t want to throw them out, but they’re useless. They’re like the Heidi and Spencer of fruits.” — Jimmy Kimmel on Live