Looks like all that talk of Steven Tyler quitting Aerosmith was a little premature. Take it from the man himself last night: “I am not leaving Aerosmith!” Fans, you can exhale now.

But yesterday, when you were still holding your breath, I spoke with a guy who knows a thing or two about subbing for Tyler: Chris Vandahl, lead singer for tribute act Aeromyth. That’s him on the right in the photo accompanying this post — hard to tell who’s who, isn’t it? Vandahl gamely agreed to grade a few potential replacements for Tyler. Even though the entire premise of our interview is now obsolete, this thought experiment was too much fun not to share. Read on after the jump, then let us know in the comments whether you agree with Vandahl’s grades for these hypothetical new Aerosmith singers.

Scott Weiland: “I love Scott Weiland. I think he’s a great entertainer. But I don’t see him in that band. It’s just a completely different vibe.” C+

Gary Cherone: “No. No. No. Again, Gary is a good singer, but you’re talking about the dirtiest American rock band in history. It’s not just about being able to sing the stuff.” D

Axl Rose: “Oh, God. He would be great — but in my opinion, riskier than Tyler. If you’re looking for a replacement, you want somebody that you can count on to be around for a while.” B

Adam Lambert: “This is tough. The guy’s talented, but he’s not Aerosmith. Adam comes across as really clean; Tyler’s vocals are very gritty and raw.” C+

Robin Zander: “The guy’s a chameleon. He’s got the talent, the range, the flexibility. He’s an icon in his own right.” A

Liv Tyler: “Holy cow. I’ve never heard her sing. Assuming she has an amazing voice, why not? She definitely has the look!” A

Miley Cyrus: “What’s the lowest grade available? It would be a mockery of the machine that is Aerosmith, for no other reason than shock value.” F

Chris Vandahl: “It had to come to this, right? I sing for an Aerosmith tribute band, but I’ve been a professional artist in my own right. And two people on the planet are born with this face — what else am I going to do? I’m going to get slaughtered for this, but I have to give myself an A.”

Vandahl ended with a prescient suggestion of his own. “I’ve got one more thing, if you don’t mind. I gotta give Steven Tyler an A+. You’re talking about attempting to fill some of the biggest, most well-worn-in shoes in rock’n’roll history. The smartest thing would be for [the band] to work out their issues.” Now, sure enough, it appears they have.

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Photo credit: Tyler: Walter Weissman/Corbis