By Sandra Gonzalez
November 06, 2009 at 06:22 PM EST

Forget angels vs. demons and Yankees vs. Phillies (insert “woohoo!” here). Last night’s Parks and Recreation staged one of the greatest battles of all time: Parks versus the library. Based on the jokes alone, Parks came out on top. Below, my favorite lines from “Ron and Tammy” (featuring guest star Megan Mullally, pictured, as Ron’s ex-wife and library employee Tammy).

Tammy: If I’d had a park like that growing up, I probably wouldn’t have gone through such a prolonged mall-slut phase.”

Leslie (Amy Poehler): ”Pawnee’s library department are the most diabolical, ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I’ve ever seen. They’re like a biker gang, but instead of shotguns and crystal meth, they use political savvy and shushing.”

Ron (Nick Offerman): ”Of course that bitch of an ex-wife is working at the library. The worst person in the world working at the worst place in the world.”

Leslie: “What do you mean, ‘no’? Everyone has a weakness.” Ron: “Not machines. I honestly believe she was programmed by someone in the future to come back and destroy all happiness.”

Ron: “Tammy is a mean person. She’s a grade-A bitch. Every time she laughs, an angel dies. Even telemarketers avoid her. Her birth was payback for the sins of man, but you know the worst thing about her?” Leslie: “She works for the library.”

  • TV Show
  • 7
run date
  • 04/09/09-02/24/15
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