By Tina Jordan
Updated November 03, 2009 at 07:55 PM EST
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Nightlight — the Harvard Lampoon’s first novel parody in since 1969’s Bored of the Rings — features the “pallid” Belle Goose, who falls for Edwart Mullen on the first day of school in her new hometown, Switchblade: “Looking into his eyes I felt waves of electricity, currents of electrons charging towards me … Caught in his ionized hypnosis, the old adage came to mind: Beautiful enough to kill, gut, stuff, and frame above your fireplace.

The book goes on sale tomorrow, but you can read the first chapter exclusively on EW.com.

Twilight

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