If you never wanted to hear Charlie Brown — or, more accurately, an ABC hired hand imitating Charlie Brown — spitting rhymes over a hip-hop beat, do not press play on the current promo for It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, which I had the misfortune of not fast-forwarding past during last night’s edition of Dancing With the Stars. Seriously, don’t do it. Here, let me offer a sample lyric to dissuade you: “But where is Linus?/ This party is posh/ He’s waitin’ in the field/ For a mythical squash.” Literally, it’s the TV advertising equivalent of “I got a rock.” Share your pain/rage/protest anthems in the comments section below. Just don’t press play. (Oh, and FYI: Great Pumpkin airs tonight at 8 p.m. EDT on ABC.)

Hell to the No!
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