TV's funniest lines from October 12 to October 18

By EW Staff
October 23, 2009 at 04:00 AM EDT

”You know how, growing up, we all have that voice inside our head telling us we’re not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school.” — Claire (Julie Bowen), talking about her critical mother, on Modern Family

”I don’t want to say we have a special-needs media, but they were literally mesmerized by a shiny object.” — Bill Maher, on the mass coverage of the runaway balloon, on Real Time

”You seem surprised — yet your eyebrows haven’t moved at all.” — Claire (Judith Light), to Wilhelmina (Vanessa Williams), on Ugly Betty

”A man in Houston was arrested after police found him hiding inside a closet with a corpse. They said it was either drug-related or the absolute worst game of seven minutes in heaven.” — Jimmy Fallon on Late Night

”I’m in no mood to hear you fawn over some girl with tacky accessories who lives to recycle.” — Blair (Leighton Meester), responding to the news that Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) may give the speech at the NYU Freshman Dinner, on Gossip Girl