The bullseye: October 23, 2009
· NBC, watch Wanda Sykes’ HBO special. That’s the person you should put on the air at 10 p.m. every weeknight.
· Attention, potential First Husbands and lesbians: Cherry Jones is back on the market — on screen and off.
· Await Your Reply by Dan Chaon: A terrific book
· Song of the week: ”Tik Tok” by Ke$ha. It’s totally danceable and, best of all, it eliminates the need for the Pussycat Dolls.
· Sela Ward, we love you and will watch you in anything. Even The Stepfather.
Couples Retreat: where David Letterman won’t be spending his next vacation.
· Taylor Lautner poses in the waves: Oh, to be the ocean right now.
· Hey, Roland Emmerich, we’re fine with the world ending in 2012 if it means we’ll finally be rid of Jon and Kate.
· Marge Simpson gets coveted Playboy cover. Wilma Flintstone, Lois Griffin fire managers.
· Tracy Morgan compares his privates to R2-D2 on his Twitter feed. Meanwhile, C-3PO seeks therapy for inadequate manhood.
· Paul Anka to get 50 percent of new Michael Jackson single ”This Is It.” In that case, Paul Anka owes us about two minutes of our lives back.
· Katy Perry and Russell Brand: Love comes in many forms. This form makes us want to take a shower.
· The Big Bang Theory coins ”turbriskefil” — turkey stuffed with a brisket stuffed with gefilte fish. In related news, Tara Reid posed naked for Playboy.
· Hilary Duff on Gossip Girl: Yeah, we’re a little bored with your plotline too.
· Pop star Will Young is knocked up in his new video; becomes most unwelcome addition to pregnant-man oeuvre since Arnold Schwarzenegger in Junior.
· Ashton Kutcher reportedly advised ex-girlfriend January Jones to quit acting; has apparently given same advice to Demi Moore. Not to be gross, but we didn’t know Pam Anderson excreted pink taffeta.