'America's Next Top Model': Petite Ninja Warriors
This week, we’re going to do something different. Let’s list the things we learned from last night’s episode of America’s Next Top Model:
1. Models (even Nicole) need personality. Even though we can count on one hand the number of model’s personalities we know, and, presumably, there are more than five models working today.
2. You are stupid if you thought you were doing a “bumper car shoot.”
3. Kara, pictured, who got the boot over Sundai, has no idea that her voice is as annoying as Nicole’s, even if she’s “clever” enough to snap, “She has the social graces of a fetus.”
4. No matter how many models they’ve seen chastised and disqualified in previous seasons, some girls will always return late from go-sees.
5. Models need to have pierced ears because Neil Lane doesn’t make clip-ons.
6. Rozae Nichols does not like it when you (Brittany) put your shoes on her table. “It’s not the kind of shoe I’d like to see near the collection.”
7. Laura’s “hood-rat” accent is horrible; Rae’s Minnesotan is tremendous (because she’s from there).
8. Parts of Kentucky do not have parking meters. And they’re apparently impossible to figure out if you’ve never seen one.
9. When Kara is wearing a smokey eye, it looks like her eyes are burnt. Deep, Nicole. “Like her face got burnt to a crisp.” Not so deep, Nicole.
10. Pretending to be a petite ninja warrior on wires is painful. And leaves marks.
11. Sundai is not just a three-quarter girl, per Tyra. She’s also not long for this show, per me.
12. Fo, from Cycle 12, is successful! Cue Nigel’s overly enthusiastic voice: She’s booked major campaigns for Abercrombie & Fitch, Nike, Target, and designer Trina Turk. (That shot of Fo with extended leg in the tree was gorgeous.) The CW should really run these spots in the beginning of the episode to remind us that this show isn’t quite as pointless as we think.
13. Nigel can smize.
Photo credit: Patricia Von Ah/Pottle Productions Inc/The CW