We’ve been closely following the production of Sylvester Stallone’s upcoming action throwback The Expendables — and by “closely following” I mean “idly paying attention to” — for which writer-director-star Stallone has gathered a B-level dream cast, including Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, and Eric Roberts. There was even talk, at one point, of an Arnold Schwarzenegger cameo. Clearly, this film is supposed to be the “end all, be all” for dudes who thrive on crappy ’80s action flicks. So why does this first trailer look so…lame?

Sure, all the requisite elements are there — barely witty bon mots, fellas surfing blast waves, over-the-top villain, exotic damsel in distress, berets — but it just kinda sits there. This trailer unspools with a by-the-numbers perfunctoriness that’s a little disappointing. Sly doesn’t look like he’s reveling in the cheesiness; rather, he’s taking the cheesiness too seriously. However, my film proclivities have already been established here on the ol’ blog — if a film’s got explosions, lasers, or gratuitous nudity (preferably all three), I’m guaranteed to like it — so I’ll catch The Expendables as soon as I possibly can. But my excitement level has eased back to Defcon 3. How about you?