Sound Bites: David Letterman

”If you came here tonight for sex with a talk-show host, you’ve got the wrong studio.” — Jay Leno on The Jay Leno Show

”I guess you know how I got my job now.” — Craig Ferguson on The Late Late Show

”Politicians should take a page from this book. Because usually they’re like, ‘I didn’t do it, I wasn’t in Argentina, I was in Appalachia.”’ — Joy Behar on The View

”There’s a new book out called Why Women Have Sex that has a list of the 237 reasons why women have sex, and Letterman knows the top 10.” — Jimmy Fallon on Late Night

”Hey, next to Roman Polanski and Mackenzie Phillips’ dad, I think Dave looks pretty good.” — Bill Maher on Real Time

”I got into the car this morning and the navigation lady wasn’t speaking to me…. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to remind you of one thing: This is only phase one. This is phase one of the scandal. Phase two — next week, I go on Oprah and sob.” — David Letterman on Late Show