Monday’s Dancing With the Stars performance show seems galaxies beyond us in so many ways, but does anyone remember Tom Bergeron promoting the appearance of a chimpanzee on Tuesday’s show? As a one-time chimp fondler myself, I started scratching under my arms and wolfing down bananas in eager anticipation of the DWTS results show (an unprecedented display of enthusiasm!). But the chimp’s appearance never happened. WTF, Bergeron? According to Variety, the show planned to use a chimpanzee as a mock guest judge until PETA protested. So they went with the next logical chimp stand-in — a toddler — instead. You remember this useless filler segment, right? Math genius Steve Wozniak and ESPN senior Fantasy analyst Matthew Berry presented a highly evolved method for predicting the season 9 winner through an arbitrary coding system of letters and numbers that was part Beautiful Mind/mostly Sesame Street. I had joked in my TV Watch that it seemed like that child had been trotted out at the last minute to make the segment air-able intstead of terrible. Nope! He was there to make it less offensive to animal rights activists. Question: Should there maybe be toddler activists?

Okay, this is kind of mean…but since this “news” brought up the comparison, we may as well ask…

Episode Recaps

Dancing With the Stars
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