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While the War on Christmas may have the holiday on the retreat, General Claus has a secret weapon up his sleeve: Glenn Beck. A new illustrated children’s edition of his gooey Yuletide tale The Christmas Sweater is set to hit shelves later this month.

This isn’t the first time that we’ve seen apolitical fiction from a Fox News staple, but it will be the third book Beck has released in five months. Combined with his radio show, his television program, and his live tour/Colonial Williamsburg re-enactment, it’s no wonder he cries so much. Those are tears of exhaustion.

The story follows a Theodore Cleaver stand-in as he learns the true meaning of Christmas. (Spoiler alert: It’s not Jesus.) The real lesson here is being happy with what you have, whether that’s an over-romanticized Fifties-era nuclear family, the eponymous disappointing gift, or terrible healthcare coverage. So give this book to your young one this holiday season. That way when he reads it he’ll understand why he shouldn’t complain about getting this book instead of the Xbox game he actually wanted.