By Mandi Bierly
September 16, 2009 at 07:17 PM EDT

• The title of the straight-to-DVD release: Craptacular

• Val Kilmer using his Val Kilmer-iest voice as some kind of scientist who discovers a woolly mammoth: Craptacular

• The fact that Mr. Snuffleupagus* looks more realistic than the carcass of said woolly mammoth: Craptacular

• The cut to people having sex when the trailer’s voiceover says the ready-to-run parasite from the thawed mammoth has been “waiting for some place warm to hide”: Craptacular

• The shot of one such parasite playing peekaboo on a woman’s forehead with a pair of tweezers: Kinda gross

• The fact that when I searched for the spelling of Snuffleupagus, I landed on the IMDB page of an actor credited as “Mr. Snuffleupagaus (back half)”: Awesome!