More to Love
Credit: Patrick Wymore/ Fox

I know I really shouldn’t be surprised that last night’s season finale of Fox’s More to Love left me with feelings of shame and outrage (and a side serving of “Hey, dude got it right!”). After all, the opening montage of bachelor Luke’s hometown visit kicked off with images of heifers lazily grazing in a field. Really, Fox? REALLY, you thought we wouldn’t notice you trying to sneak random bovine imagery into your plus-sized dating show? (Insert purse-lipped head-shake here.)

Anyhow, Luke’s quartet of “meet the family” dates with Malissa (pictured, right) and Tali (left) — his divorced parents appear to have come from two different planets, and therefore could not share screentime — were amusingly awkward. Luke’s dad, of course, couldn’t seem to make peace with the fact that Tali came from planet Israel, invoking Jesus’ name before the meal and declaring “praise the lord and pass the potatoes” in an added display of chutzpah. I also loved how dear old dad told Luke he had to end up with “someone like Malissa” as a way of saying “anyone but the Jew.” Mazel tov!

Luke’s mom, Faith, on the other hand, the more cynical of the parental units, seemed particularly attuned to the game-show-contestant nonsense involuntarily streaming from Malissa’s mouth. In her Diane Keaton Collection pantsuit, level-headed Faith was totally comfortable leaving long, uncomofortable silences every time her son asked a serious question about his future with Malissa. And why not? Over the course of the episode, we heard the presumed front-runner tell us that she didn’t really sign up to find love but “lo and behold I’m in the final two,” refer to herself as “one of the main characters here,” and explain that “it’s love that [I’m] playing for.” I’m sure Malissa was hoping Luke’s heart would be won in a final, Survivor-style challenge — she’d have kept her hand on the matrimonial totem till Tali collapsed on the floor in a heap of white taffeta, dammit! — but it was not meant to be.

In the end, Luke had one final date with each woman, and told each of them that he loved them (!), then later explained in a confessional that there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love, as if it excused him from playing fast and loose with the L word. If that wasn’t foul enough, Luke later brought Malissa to the finale platform, asked her if she loved him, got her to say “Yes, I do,” then promptly dumped her ass. I couldn’t feel too bad for Malissa, though, as she seemed more upset about losing the “game” than losing the man-trophy. “What makes her better than me?” Malissa asked about Tali, as she squeezed out a single tear to run down her pretty cheek.

That left smokin’ hot, eternally poised Tali to receive (and accept) Luke’s marriage proposal, after which the happy couple aggressively sucked face — complete with panting and smooching noises that could win More to Love a sound-editing Emmy this time next year. Whether or not Luke and Tali last long enough to collect the statuette is anyone’s guess, but Tali’s last-second shout out to the nation’s big girls, and her declaration that “it’s the size of your heart that matters” was a surprisingly touching denouement to a feel-not-so-good summer series.

What did you think of More to Love? Did Luke choose the right woman? And was anyone else appalled by his dueling “I love yous” last night? For all my reality-TV shenanigans, follow me on Twitter @EWMichaelSlezak!

Photo credit: Patrick Wymore/Fox