Lil' Kim vs. Pink: Battle of the Sparkly Pasties!
Part of getting the respect you deserve at the VMAs involves the careful planning of which type and shape of sequined sheath you’ll want to glue to a small section of your bare left boob. So: Who barely wore it better? As my mother used to say to me and my feuding sister: “Girls. It is not a competition.” But let’s vote anyway! Damn, this is a tough one….
Lil’ Kim Pros: Did it first; excellent purple wig; Diana Ross (!!!) followed through on nation’s basest desire and reached out to swat her boob at the podium. Cons: full-on patterned jumpsuit = blatant eff-you to fashion; subject’s recent association with Dancing With the Stars. (Ha!)
Pink Pros: Zesty diamond-patterned pant leg; mind-blowing mid-performance trapeze routine. Cons: Zen-like composure post-mind-blowing circus feats could foster self-loathing in less-fit voters; in other words: everyone.