Well, there’s been a great response to my “Write Your Own True Blood Episode” competition. The idea was to write a brief summary of an episode that could have aired tonight, an off-week for True Blood before the series’ season-ender next Sunday.

There were two strong patterns in the hundreds of entries I read. I would say that the majority of you are on Team Eric over Team Bill. (Memo to Alan Ball and the True Blood writing staff: Based purely on this anecdotal evidence, you may want to consider making Bill a bit more pro-active next season to balance things out.)

And a lot of you included some variation on ” …and Jason has his shirt off the entire time… ” in your fantasies — er, entries.

My great thanks to everyone who took the time and effort to write in. Here, without further ado, are the winners in the best-written, funniest, and sexiest categories:


B.E.V. Thu 09/03/09 1:32 PM

Bill drags Sam to Maryann to be sacrificed. Sam is unwillingly persuaded to be “offered” in order to save Sookie. As Sookie watches horrified and restrained by Eggs, Tara, and Lafayette, Eric returns from the Queen’s and destroys Maryann and saves Sam. Sookie is revolted by Bill’s actions toward Sam, turns her back on him and thanks Eric with a hug that is riddled with conflicted feelings and sexual tension. Jason and Andy burst onto the scene in a “Rambo-esque” fashion, only the battle is already over. While the townsfolk are recovering from their zombie-like state… Eggs takes the egg and disappears. Fade to black.


TJ Fri 09/04/09 8:31 PM


Sookie manages to escape Lafayette, and make it downstairs. There she runs into MaryAnn once again. Sookie, unable to use her new-found ability to stop MaryAnn, is saved by Jason and Andy, who are attacking from outside of the house. A bullet hits MaryAnn, and she slams Sookie down, telling her to stay put. MaryAnn arrives behind Andy and Jason, and suddenly shoves a knife into Andy’s back. Jason quickly fires bullets at MaryAnn, but is unable to hurt her. Jason realizes the gun is of no use, and punches MaryAnn in her face. As his fingers touch MaryAnn, the same glowing effect is shown that happened to Sookie when she touched MaryAnn in episode 10. MaryAnn, still curious as to what Sookie/Jason are, knocks him out and drags him inside to join Sookie (who is also knocked out). Bill, knowing Sookie is in danger, puches Sam knocking him out as well. Bill picks Sam up, and heads to MaryAnn. Eric and the Queen have some fun, and finally she tells Eric some more about Maenads. Eric and the Queen have a longer past, and she trusts him more than Bill. Sookie, who is having a dream of Eric again, now has Lafayette in her dream as well. The Lafayette in her dream is Lafayette’s mind (which has been replaced with MaryAnn’s influence). Sookie and Lafayette are able to speak telepathicaly, because of their bond with Eric, whick also bonds them in a way. Sookie manages to awake Lafayette from being possesed by MaryAnn. Lafayette, who was outside with Tara and Eggs, runs inside the house. He sees Sookie and Jason on the floor (tied). Lafayette remembers a image of the egg upstairs, and knows of its key role in MaryAnn’s ritual. Lafayette runs to detroy the egg, but sees that MaryAnn is already there (doing her shaking thing while holding the egg). MaryAnn does not notice Lafayette, as she is deep in motion. Lafayette realizes he has time, and decides to rescue Sookie and Jason. The three flee from the home. MaryAnn goes downstairs, and sees that the three are gone. Bill arrives, offering Sam in trade for Sookie. MaryAnn agrees, and has Tara and Eggs take Sam. Bill asks for Sookie, but MaryAnn replies saying she is gone. Bill realizes he has made a mstake, and tries to save Sam. MaryAnn easily defeats Bill, and he flees. Bill arrives at his house, where Jessica, Sookie, Jason, and Lafayette are. The five of them try to come up with a plan to ave Sam. Sookie can’t believe that Bill actually turned Sam in; Bill says he did it out of love for Sookie. Jason mourns Andy, who was killed by MaryAnn. The five are attacked by an army of MaryAnn’s followers. Sookie and Jason are taken, the rest defeated, and left in Bill’s home (which is set on fire). Eric and the Queen arrive at Bill’s home, and rescue Bill, Jessica, and Lafayette. MaryAnn speaks to Sookie at her house, and explains that she will have Sookie kill Sam. The ritual begins, and Jason must watch as MaryAnn tries to make Sookie murder Sam. Sam tells Sookie that it is okay, and that it is the only way MaryAnn will leave the town. MaryAnn has Hoyt’s mother bring her the casserole Maxine made, which turns out to be something MaryAnn must eat before her God arrives from the egg. MaryAnn takes a lick of the casserole, and starts to shake uncontrollably. Eric, Bill, The Queen, and Jessica attack the ritual gang. MaryAnn turns into her true self, and explodes. Eric explains that he put Fairy blood in Maxine’s casserole ealier on, when she was on her way to the ritual. Fairy blood is MaryAnn’s greatest weakness. Sookie and Jason both tell of how they would glow when MaryAnn touched them, and the Queen explains that they are related to a Fairy from way back when. The season ends with Jessica leaving with the Queen, Sookie ignoring Bill (because he turned Sam over to Mary Ann), and with Tara and Eggs finally happy together.


Anne Fri 09/04/09 4:18 PM

There is a Twilight-True Blood crossover in which it turns out that Eric is a Cullen who got tired of hanging around with those goody two-shoes. The Cullens come to Bon Temps to talk some sense into him, and end up getting eaten by Maryann (they are a special kind of sparkly vampire that she CAN control). Bacchus is displeased with this sacrifice and destroys all the humans in the town. Hungry and angry, the vampires run amuck. Buffy comes and saves the day and offers to introduce Bill to Angel, so that they can give each other brooding tips. Sookie (the only human survivor) and Eric live happily ever after. Oh, and somewhere along the way, Eric lost his clothes.

The Sexiest Entry:

Holly Thu 09/03/09 2:00 PM

Eric in his birthday suit. (That is the entire episode.)

So, TB fans: What do you think? How psyched are you for next week’s True Blood season finale?