TV's funniest lines from August 22 to August 28, 2009

”Do you think Sam could turn into a chicken and lay his own eggs?” — Jason (Ryan Kwanten), musing about shape-shifter Sam (Sam Trammell), on True Blood

”I’m Peggy Olson, and I want to smoke some marijuana.” — Peggy (Elisabeth Moss), shocking her weed-smoking male co-workers, on Mad Men

”Did you pop a boob?” — Jeff, after his gal pal Jordan tripped during the Head of Household competition, on Big Brother 11

”A study determined that Google searches for Jessica Biel were most likely to result in online viruses. What computer nerd doesn’t dream of catching a virus from Jessica Biel?” — Chelsea Handler on Chelsea Lately

”A new study just found that obese people have 8 percent less brain tissue than fit people. No wonder the Olsen twins have so much money — they’re geniuses!” — Jimmy Kimmel on Jimmy Kimmel Live