Ultimate Hotties: EW's staff picks
We’ve spent the better (hotter?) portion of the summer reviving our fascination with the concept of the Ultimate Hotties of the Year — in subcategories like Comedy, Action/Thriller, Crime-Fighting, Geek, and Vampires (apparently they’re popular). In 2007, readers voted Angelina Jolie and Wentworth Miller as prom king and queen; this year, Robert Pattinson led your Top 25. And since favoritism can be limiting, here are the 25 hotties you can’t believe we missed. Now that ’09’s long, strange trip is over, some EW staffers decided — in the spirit of “why the heck not?” — to create our own lists of Things That Are Hot. Slezak and Mandi followed the rules and chose broadly but from within the parameters of the past year, while Dalton and Josh went the esoteric route of just naming random people and/or characters they’ve at one point found intriguing. Hey, whatever. They go around the office impersonating people from Big Brother on-camera, so it’s not like we expected much. Then, once I realized rules meant nothing, I picked my 10 favorite hotties just from 30 Rock. Our lists, after the jump…
MICHAEL SLEZAK: Top 11 Hotties of 2009 (in descending order):
Winston (Clifton Collins, Jr.), ‘Sunshine Cleaning’: A one-armed, ponytailed, bespectacled, model-plane-making geek who’s hands-down the most crushable character of the 2009 indie-film genre.
Kevin Peyton (Dominic Fumusa), ‘Nurse Jackie’: I’m several episodes behind on Showtime’s freshman series, but rest assured Fumusa is keeping my DVR safe and warm in my absence.
Marc St. James (Michael Urie), ‘Ugly Betty’: His out and proud flaunting of conflicting plaids, stripes, and patterns never fails to make my heart go a’flutter.
Wilhelmina Slater (Vanessa L. Williams), ‘Ugly Betty’: No lie: They’d revoke my Gay Card ™ if I left Willie off this list!
Det. Sammy Bryant (Shawn Hatosy), ‘Southland’: Doggedly works to make the streets of Los Angeles a safer place while adorably enduring the demands of his borderline psychotic wife. How can you not love this guy?
Joe Dubois (Jake Weber), ‘Medium’: Best. Husband. On. Television.
Kimball Cho (Tim Kang), ‘The Mentalist’: Anyone questioning the all-purpose hotness of Kang’s somber, straightlaced CBI agent clearly hasn’t seen that episode where Cho goes undercover as a pickup artist — in snappy duds picked out by Simon Baker’s Patrick Jane. Hotcha!
Paul Child (Stanley Tucci), ‘Julie & Julia’: It takes a heckuva man to pull off an oversize, electric-blue ring — without losing his sex appeal in the process.
Sawyer & Juliet (Josh Holloway & Elizabeth Mitchell), ‘Lost’: What can I say, I’m a sucker for star-crossed lovers!
Kris Allen, ‘American Idol’: As one recent EW.com poster put it, the season 8 champ could die of cuteness. And by including him on this list, my worst-kept secret of ’09 is revealed!
Ade Obayomi, ‘So You Think You Can Dance’: So brain-scorchingly hot, I had to concentrate on not speaking when he was on my TV set, so as to not upset my hubby with an unfortunate/inappropriate comment.
MANDI BIERLY: 10 Hot Men From The Past Year
10. Eddie Cibrian: Like EW’s Bullseye, I’m secretly rooting for him and LeAnn Rimes and hate myself for it. I’m considering watching CSI: Miami to see all the ways they’ll <a href=”https://ew.com/article/2009/08/12/how-to-get-tv-actors-shirtless/ get him shirtless.
9. ‘Star Trek’’s Zachary Quinto: Because after the film, I actually had a conversation with someone about whether I could bear being cooped up on the Enterprise if it meant being with him. (The answer was no, which is why he’s at No. 9.)
8. ‘The Tudors’’ Henry Cavill: Had I actually gone to see Whatever Works, maybe I could have placed him higher.
7. ‘Man vs. Wild’’s Bear Grylls: Because now when I see a puddle of water, my first thought is how could I make that drinkable? (Also because he’s now getting naked to cross a freezing river in, like, every episode.)
6. ‘Castle’’s Nathan Fillion: His charm and his button-down shirt make me happy it’s Monday.
5. ‘Bones’’ David Boreanaz: And not just because the last time I interviewed him, he kissed me on the cheek goodbye. Though it might have helped.
4. Stephen Colbert: I just wanna sit in bed and watch a Golden Girls marathon with him, which is how I know when I really like a guy. (Which explains why I’m still single?)
3. John Schneider: My first celebrity crush. I remember watching TV with my Dukes of Hazzard dinner tray, which I would totally still use today if I’d kept it. I taped his recent Hallmark movie Come Dance at My Wedding.
2. ‘True Blood’’s Alexander Skarsgard: He entered the countdown with a bullet. Luckily, not silver.
1. ‘South Park’ co-creator Trey Parker: The way to my heart is still through the funny.
DALTON ROSS: Just 10 Things I Find Hot
1. Mama from ‘Mama’s Family’ Mama, you sassy little minx. You don’t fool me with your floral prints and perfectly coiffed granny fro. Underneath, you’re a wild animal just waiting to be tamed.
2. Corey Haim in ‘Me, Myself and I’ What’s more sexy than when a celebrity opens up and bares his soul in a “personal video diary”? Corey Haim did just that in a 1989 VHS tape called Me, Myself and I. The video basically involves him floating back and forth on an inflatable alligator while answering inane questions like what his favorite Corey Haim movie is. He later refers to himself as “Einstein” while playing a keyboard and describes himself as being into “Japanese funk.” Enjoy the sexiness for yourself.
3. Jm J Bullock as Monroe in ‘Too Close for Comfort‘ Why did Jim J refuse to include the “i” in his first name when on the Ted Knight sitcom? So mysterious. Mysterious and…sexy?
4. Sy Snootles from ‘Return of the Jedi’ I’m a sucker for a female rock star — alien or otherwise. And those lips! No collagen injections needed here, boys and girls!
5. The ominous voice that calls contestants into the diary room on ‘Big Brother’ So authoritative and domineering. Thank you sir, may I have another?!
6. The Cheerleaders in Tony Basil’s video for “Mickey” I know what you’re up to, Tony Basil! You purposely filled your video for “Mickey” with the ugliest cheerleaders on planet Earth to make yourself appear more attractive. Nice try, Basil! And just for that act of treachery, I am going to drool and salivate over each and every one of them until my dying days. They’re so fine they blow my mind!
7. Murray ‘Boz’ Bozinsky from ‘Riptide’ You say nerd; I say…well, nerd. But those five-inch thick glasses enable the Bozinator to stare straight into my soul. Plus, he builds robots!
8. Snarf from ‘ThunderCats’ Okay, so he’s not exactly “human” per se, and his incessant whining could be a real turn-off in the bedroom, but those animated whiskers are simply intoxicating.
9. The Fatman from ‘Jake and the Fatman’ Take your Jake. Pound for pound, there’s simply more to love with Fatman McCabe.
10. Flo from ‘Alice’ Oh, I’ll kiss your grits, Flo.
JOSH WOLK: Special “Hotties From My Impressionable Adolescence” Edition
1. Lita Ford Of all the 80s metal singers who looked like a hot woman from a distance, the “Kiss Me Deadly” singer was the only one who actually was a hot woman.
2. Pamela Sue Martin First she was all gee-whiz and golly-gee as TV’s Nancy Drew, and then three years later — BAM! — she’s sexing it up on Dynasty. My first introduction to the concept of “good girls gone bad.”
3. The Landers sisters Judy vs. Audrey: don’t make me pick. They were both hot, sexy, and knew how just how to dress for a Love Boat guest spot.
4. Amanda Wyss Having appeared as the girlfriend who got away in three of my teenage pop-culture sweet spots — Fast Times in Ridgemont High, Better Off Dead, and Cheers — I was programmed early on to unrequitedly love her from afar.
5. Janice the Muppet: Not sure why she does it for me. Perhaps it’s because as a teenager I used to watch scrambled porn while listening to Joni Mitchell and stroking a piece of felt.
6. Kelly Preston in “Mischief” For a crappy movie, it sure got heavy airplay from my friends and me.
7. Shannon Tweed in “Hot Dog” Didn’t I make it clear by my last pick that my friends and I weren’t sitting around watching Citizen Kane?
8. Miss Phys Ed, “Hot For Teacher” video In 1984, when David Lee Roth told you to be hot for a teacher, you complied.
9. Heather Thomas In the world of ’80s Heather crushes, most people go Locklear. But when they zig, I zag.
10. Leslie Easterbrook So tough as Sgt. Callahan in Police Academy, so sexy in Private Resort. With range like that, she was the Meryl Streep of ’80s sex comedies.
ANNIE BARRETT: My Top 10 Hotties from ’30 Rock’
Bianca Donaghy (Isabella Rossellini) Just for showing up, really.
Devon Banks (Will Arnett): Mostly for his choice in bathrobes.
Tracy Jordan’s Muppet: Spaceman are sexy. I bet you think my next hottie will be Dr. Spaceman.
Floyd (Jason Sudekis) The one that got away…to fabulous Cleveland.
Stewart LaGrange (Peter Dinklage) It’s impressive enough that he has a job; that his title is U.N. High Commission on Water Temperature and Food Taint is even hotter.
Fatter Jenna (Jane Krakowski) She who want food owned it until she came to her senses and realized, “If I can’t be Mo’Nique fat, I have to be Teri Hatcher thin.”
Elisa (Salma Hayek) Specifically: in the flowy red dress at the Prospect Park BBQ. Realizing how I might “want her boobs” on more than one level was a big moment for me.
Dr. Drew Baird (Jon Hamm) Sure, the inspiration for The Little Mermaid‘s Prince Eric lives in a dreamland, but he gets a complimentary app sampler whenever he eats out. My turn.
Bijou (Liz Lemon) (Tina Fey) 1-900-OK-FACE was not for phone sex. It was a chat line for urban singles!
Pete Hornberger (Scott Adsit) I LOVE PETE. I think the hottest type of funny involves near-to-total nonchalance. Some of Adsit’s lines and deadpan delivery just bowl me over, and I love how Pete totally “gets” Lemon. “Doughnuts in bed? What are you depressed about or celebrating?”