August 27, 2009 at 09:57 PM EDT

DEAR DIARY: My blogger-angst bulls— now has a body count. Everybody’s sad…but it’s kind of a weird sad. The rumors just won’t stop. First a phantom wacky ‘Heathers‘ musical starring Kristen Bell, then a hypothetical ‘Heathers’ movie remake, and now a proposed ‘Heathers’ TV series (announced by Fox today, ugh). I have no control over myself when these obnoxious fairy tales inundate my slushied-out brain. Are we going to prom or to hell?

You know what, Heather? I think I’ll just watch my ‘Heathers’ DVD instead. Forever. Yep! That’s what I’m going to do. Go ahead and make a Heathers TV show. Yeah! Great. I’ll believe it when I DON’T see it. In the meantime, I’m just going to pull up a sofa and eat some BBQ Corn Nuts and watch Christian Slater and Winona Ryder murder some teenagers. THE OLD WAY. It’ll be Big Fun. Seriously, Hollywood, why are you pulling my d—?

Photo Credit: Everett Collection

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